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Operation: European Husband A new last name and a European passport. I gots GOALS I tell ya...

Ventie McPoopants

UNITED KINGDOM | Monday, 29 January 2007 | Views [611]

Crossing items off my list of not-so-exciting-but-nonetheless-quite-normal-and-not-really-life-threatening-just-a-bit-of-an-inconvenience life experiences with an efficiency that borders on german, i have now taken care of 'missing a flight when i have somewhere really important to be tomorrow'. tick! 

Ok, quick story about the steaming cesspool of bollocks and insanity that is Gatwick Airport. I'll write this one seperately so that the negative energy of this story doesn't tarnish or neutralise the rest lovelyshinywonderfulness that was my weekend in London.

So it's sunday night yeah, (see, 2 days and i can even TYPE in english mannerisms. gov'nuh.) and i'm not asleep in essen. heck, i'm not even struggling to stay awake while desperately avoiding the bleary gaze of a drunk hobo on a train from cologne. i'm STILL IN LONDON, and not in a good way. I got to the airport (gatwick - and every person reading this who's ever flown out of gatwick nods in recognition and says "oh yes, that happened to me once") in plenty of time for my flight as a result of the spectacular organisation skills of my AMAZING london tour guide ladies*, checked in, glanced at the line for security and, deciding, it was of a manageable size, went in search of chips. having procured a plate of rather sad-looking chips (they'd long given up the youthful, idealistic desire to be fresh and bright and crispy and flavoursome, and had resigned themselves to a life of limp, stale mediocrity) i returned to the line for security, only to find that it had transformed from a line of only mildly irritating length to a kilometres-long parade of unhappy people which would rival that created by radiohead's cancelled melbourne concert a couple of years back. this thing was long. so, 3 lifetimes and a baggage inspection later (of course i was carrying two forks in my handbag. don't you carry a supply of cutlery with you at all times? it's a long story, it involves mindblowingly good apple slice, i'll tell you later.) i get through security about 10 minutes after my flight should have left (mum, before you start, no i would not have made it if not for the forks.). seeing that it's still flashing red i hurtle myself down 50 miles of corridor to the gate, only to be told that i've just missed it, and all other flights to germany are full. i then wait for ever for an easyjet gymp to come and collect me from departures and get me out to the check-in area, where i'm told to go to the sales desk to transfer my ticket. by some miracle my luggage doesn't disappear in the midst of all this faffing about, and i lug it back to the sales desk, which is delightfully unattended. so i, along with the growing crowd of other refugees in the same plight, stand about growing increasingly tetchy while lights go off and people ignore us all over the place. eventually** i decide this is going to get us nowhere and march over to the check-in counters to (commence burly, gruff man voice) let loose with a stream of genuine friendliness and polite understanding (end burly, gruff man voice) until someone gave in and helped us. when i say help though, i mean CHARGE US THE 35pound TRANSFER FEE (about 80AUD), so, off i went with more relentless congeniality, telling the guy in no uncertain terms that i could understand his situation and that it must be very difficult trying to sort out all these grumpy people, and he processed my transfer for nothing. which i would like to chalk up as one for the friendly people thankyouverymuch, it's expensive to be an unpleasant bastard you see, if we'd all just be a little nicer and lean over counters when we talk to men more, maybe the world would be a better place.

anyway, so, in london. the upshot, and it's a good one, was that there were no places on planes until the same time tomorrow, so i get another day in london, whice is brilliant. the germans won't think so, it's a very compulsory day of getting organised for berlin tomorrow, but i'm sure the germans will understand the problem of the english not being able to get their shit together and i'll catch up on tuesday.

the downside is that i only brought enough painkillers to last until today and i can already feel the twinges off "actually erica, running wasn't such a super idea. yeeeeeeeee-ikes!!

oh and did i mention i almost didn't bloody make it in the first place because of missed trains and then expensive ICE trains that RAN LATE (when i pay stupid amounts of money for freakishly fast german trains, i expect them to bloody run on time) and then expensive cabs that couldn't floor it on the autobahn because of the weather?? mm. the travel bookends of this weekend jaunt were NOT so awesome.

more on the superawesomeripper time i had in london to come.

*more on my AMAZING london tour guide ladies in the other london post, to come, i promise, very soon.

**and when i say eventually i mean after about 2 minutes, we all know what my attention span is like

Tags: I should have known better!

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