So we went to a gay club. But not just a normal gay club, it's a little place called "Celebrities" which according to the locals I've met is the place where people go to, and I quote, "Be more gay than they actually are". From what I gather that means that people go here to be outrageously camp and flamboyant. Which kind of makes sense based on what I'm going to tell you:
It started off with a BBQ at the Ozzy's place. The plan was to have a nice evening in the glorious Vancouver Sunshine and enjoy a BBQ and watch the Hockey with a few friends. A crate of beer and a ton of meat later somebody (namely Ross) had the idea of heading out despite nobody having money. Being as it was such a stunning day (and it really was, we'd spent the afternoon down on kitsilano beach talking rubbish and playing footy) we decided to make the most of the weather and headed for the nearest nightclub: Celebrities. It was located on Davie street which is the gay capital of Vancouver so we knew what to expect...or we thought we did.
We were greeted by a hulking figure, with ripling muscles and a very defined jaw complete with 5 o'clock shadow...in a dress and wearing a feather boa. Bulge and everything. Now this doesn't bother me but the look of utter disgust on Mossy's face was HILARIOUS. $12 later and we got inside to be greeted with various stage shows of scantily clad muscle men all oiled up and gyrating against each other like the chippendales only with much more guy-on-guy. Mossy did not know where to look, I think he might have been slightly uncomfortable. In fairness, I didn't exactly know where I was supposed to look but I wasn't too fazed, it's all part of the lol. Mossy lasted maybe 30 minutes before quitting. To be fair to the kid he had been out the night before to some dubstep madness night so he was pretty tired from that...but Ross managed it...weakness? I'll let you decide...
The evening ploughed on and each act got more and more physical, there were poles, angle grinders, and god knows what else. After all the stage shows stopped there was an awesome selection of music and a very positive vibe throughout the whole club. Nobody was being pretentious and everyone just wanted to dance and enjoy themselves. Aaron (one of the ozzy lads) was chatted up by a lady-boy who he refused to accept had a penis, but the adam's apple gave the game away. Also the cock-bulge. Sorry mother.
We left aaron to it to go and dance, somewhere along the way me and ross lost alicja (the other ozzy) so we danced by ourselves for a few minutes until Alicja appeared from the crowd with a HUGE grin: "Some guys are [making love] on the dancefloor" (obviously this wasnt her exact words, I edited it for family reasons. The real word began with an F and ending in ing). Ross turned to me grinning and ran off. A minute later he returned: "OMG DAN THEYRE SERIOUSLY [MAKING LOVE]!!!!". Now somehow, I knew I didn't want to see this spectacle and any other time (i.e. if I was sober) I would have shrugged it off but drunken, morbin curiosity took over and I decided that I needed proo...OMG THEY WERE TOTALLY [MAKING LOVE]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah.
So that was pretty much the point we SHOULD have called it a night.
Instead we carried on dancing until there weren't many people left. And lucky me! I found a feather boa! I was finally dressed for the occassion.
Then disaster struck again! The feather boa i had been wearing for a fair few minutes suddenly started to smell...funny. Then I realised that it was actually pretty wet on one end...and...CRAP. Two guys [making love], smelly wet feather boa...I put together a terrible image (which I'll leave to you to work out), ripped the damned thing from around my neck and ran out of the club, explaining my predicament to ross as we went. Who laughed so hard he nearly fell over.
Well. That was our night in Celebrities. Anybody heading to Vancouver I would reccommend a Saturday night there purely for the music and atmosphere...but just be wary of any discarded items lying around...there's probably a reasond they're discarded.
Ew.
Stay cool kids!
