I am doing well! The past 2-3 weeks I have felt like I
am finally waking up. I woke up one morning, looked around and thought, 'what am
I doing in a shed?' How funny! It is like when you get sleep deprived and then
you catch up on your sleep and think,'wow, I feel good!' I am like a child, so
many things are new and fascinating, simple pleasures and joys, my curiosity is
coming back - so much good. I still cannot read anything more than newspaper
articles. I took out my yarn and colored pencils, but have not worked on any
projects. A friend sent me a box of art supplies and I am excited to try them out! It is so shocking how burned out I was. It took alot (personally and financially) to take this time
out for myself, but i am really glad that I did. I am just beginning to realize
where I am - in Hawaii!! I am feeling so much gratitude for the opportunity to
hang in a hammock under a mango tree, in perfect weather, look out over the
ocean, and think about life. I am working on a list of possible
jobs/careers/training, and a list of knowledge, skills and abilities so that I can
hit the road running when I get back to Flag. No huge epiphanies yet. I am
better, but not well yet. I have done a lot of letting go, soul searching,
forgiveness, weeping, acceptance, and ask God continually for healing. I am so
happy to find myself on the road to recovering myself - I have to admit, there
was a point that I was a little worried. I think that the turning point came
when I finally broke down and had a pity party for myself and a good cry. I try
to observe my behavior and belief systems and question if they are beneficial
for me or if I need to get rid of them. Interesting process. I need to develop
the fortitude to be able to hang on to and really incorporate the changes I am
making. I have been in a stupor for so long. Working on the land really has been
healing for me. I really needed the peace and quiet. Being out in the coffee
tree orchards in sun and rain, watching birds and butterflies, listening to the
birds, talking to the trees, apologizing to the spiders, and trying to keep my
feet under me as I walk on the treacherous, loose lava rocks. I have fallen
quite a few times, have scratches from the branches, mosquito bites and am
generally pretty dinged up - but I heal. I get to pick and eat oranges,
tangerines, papaya, avocados, mangos, bananas, and more. I will never look at
these fruits in a grocery store in the same way as I did before this adventure.
I have met so many interesting people and have so many stories, I have been
asking God for what I need, and he has delivered!! I had asked for a massage therapist to help me release the emotions held in my body and help with my shoulders/arms that tingle and turn to pain if I sleep on my side. i hitchhiked into Captain Cook last weekend, and the guy who picked me up does massage at the Sheraton Hotel in Kona! I have an appointment with him, he will come to the farm! Perfect! I asjed for someone to go snorkeling with me. A yound woman I have become friends aithe at the farmer's market is going to pick me up tomorrow! She is a Dolphin person, too! I asked to make contact with a spiritual community, and I met a woman yesterday in Kona that attended NAU and she called a friend to pick me up for church next weekend! Wow! I really waasn't thinking of a Christian church - more of a new Thought church, but the connectin has been made, so I will follow it. My friend, Ray Lynch, always said 'I never turn down an invitation.'
I attended a free presentatin by Doreen Virtue (Angels, Archangels, Fairies, Mermaids, etc.) inKona yesterday. It was SO great to spend time with Lightworkers and feel the love and light that they carry. Doreen went around the room and told each person who their Archangel is and what color to wear for protection, at this time. Mine was the Archangel Sandolphon, and his color is turquoise. She looked at me and said, 'Turquois: mermaids, music, dolphins, and ocean. Get in it!' How fun/great/cool!
At the farmer's market today, Shawna (who is taking me snorkeling) pointed out a woman who is looking for WWOOFers. She has a booth with vegies, gluten-free baked goods, homemade ointments, dried fruit, and lots of other fun things. I tried to get a few moments with her, but she was busy talking with other people. Next week. Am I ready to leave Beverly?
My plan right now is to stay at the farm until the end of february -
the end of the season for the farm. The trees will flower and fruit over the
summer. I am thinking of returning to stay with Dennis for a few weeks and then
home to Flag the end of March or so. This is Plan A and I am open to plans B and
C. As I said, I have had no eye-opening epiphanies about what to do or where to
go next, so I am leaving an opening for God to step in and let me know what His
plans are when I am ready to take my next assignment. I am saying yes in
advance. He knows that I need to be of service in some way.
Anyways, I told people that I was
going to Hawaii to find my laughter - that I had lost my true, unique expression
of joy. I have reason to believe that I have found it, and the sound of it is
truly music to my ears. (cue the score to the Sound of Music). And yes, I still
enjoy the hard physical work. Wierd!
