The
Chicken Bus
Once our boat from Don Det hit shore, we were confronted by a man screaming
at us in Laos
and frantically flailing his arms. He turned to run down a dirt road motioning
us to follow....so we did. With our huge packs and the sun beating down on us,
we chased after him and thankfully arrived at our bus just as I was about to
pass out. What awaited us was another pick-up truck with benches on both sides,
and a roof piled with bags. We were clearly the last two the bus was waiting
for as about 80 people had already beat us there and once again, Ian and I were
forced to hold on for dear life at the back.
Some shifting allowed me to fall into the crowd and wedge myself between
someone who had never heard of deodorant and a large odd sack full of mystery
contents. Unfortunately, Ian did not get that same option and being the
chivalrous man he is, he let some woman with a huge bag of ducks, that's right,
a huge net bag of ducks, shove by him and take the last 4cm left inside. On top
of that, the woman was carrying a bunch of chickens (20 or so) tied together by
their feet? Claws? Whatever. She carried them upside down like a bunch of
bananas, while they squawked and flapped their wings wildly. The bus driver
mindlessly swung the chickens toward us, intending to just toss them onto our
laps, when the entire bus load started screaming, terrified of being a victim
of this clucking grenade about to be launched on us. The woman and the driver
looked shocked that no one wanted 20 chickens on their lap, and in a huff the
driver threw the whole pack of them onto the roof with the bags, taking no
notice of them being live animals.
Meanwhile, apparently the 6 inch wide step Ian was teetering off of on the back
of the bus was just too much space to give to one person, so it only made sense
that the driver slid the entire bag of ducks onto Ian's feet. You can already
guess what happened as soon as that bus started moving. Within minutes, twelve
nervous ducks commenced their assault on Ian's feet, leaving Ian moaning and
writhing in disgust. While still trying to hold onto the back of the bus as we
flew down the dirt road, Ian attempted to pour out the green slime pooled in
his sandals. Suddenly, we hit a bump and off flew the chickens from the roof!
The rope tying their feet together caught on the ladder while the chickens went
absolutely mental, swinging upside down, only inches from the ground. As if Ian
wasn't already in the worst position possible, the whole bus watched as he
embarked on his first chicken rescue mission. Then for some reason, the woman
to whom the chickens belonged started actually caring about her precious pack
of fowl and for reasons unknown, thought Ian was trying to harm them, and she started
to attack him. Please just picture Ian sliding around in his gooey sandals,
hanging on with his finger tips, and reaching out as far as he can to unhook 20
chickens from a ladder, while some crazy Laos woman is beating him up! The
chickens were then swung into the bus anyway and complete chaos broke out!
Chicken's squawking, ducks quacking wildly, a mad Laos woman screaming, Ian
about to lose it, and the rest of the passengers freaking out over the
scene.......Then the mystery bag beside me came to life and a bunch of little
heads started poking up under the plastic, going absolutely bizzurk! Ian got so
fed up he climbed onto the roof to take refuge with the luggage and wait out
the rest of the 3 hour ride. You know....there are just some experiences that
until you are in them, you could never have imagined in your wildest dreams.
When we arrived at the station we met another group of foreigners. We told
them all about the bus with the bunch of chickens that fell off the roof,
waiting for their surprised reaction. Their only response was, “The same thing happened
on our bus, only it was a bunch of pigs that fell of our roof.”
