Ok, so we take the taxi to the Macau/Zhouhai border. No sweat. As soon as we hop outta the taxi, we are beset by a very demanding porter, who insist he takes our luggage for him. This dude is at least 120 years old. Of course, such a service is not free of charge, so we say no, which leaves us to negotiate through Macau immigration (or is it emigration? Hmm...), through some indeterminable line which separates China from Macau, then into Chinese immigration. No probs so far.
Next, we step out into this massive courtyard and officially commence our journey into China. Which is to say, we take no more than five steps before we are (literally!) besieged by porters and taxi solicitations. The instructions we were given in Macau by one of our friends there were that we should go to some department store building, take two flights of escalators down, then catch a cab from the lowest level. BUT Lindsay's luggage weighed a tonne, and my own luggage was giving me blisters by this stage, so we pressed on through the throng of taxi dudes and kept on going.
Mistake #1: Succumbing to a taxi dude
We were almost at the end of the courtyard when a reasonable-looking taxi dude asked us if we wanted a taxi. He looked legit (big mistake), so I said sure, why not? So this guy grabs my bag (mistake for the taxi dude... one point for us) and heads off in a direction that is contrary to our instructions. Wait here, he says, although I say to Lindsay, if the vehicle this guy gets is not a taxi, we split. Sure enough, an old VW pulls up - no taxi flag, no sign, no nothing, i.e. no way.
So me and Linds trundle off in the direction we were originally heading, but poor Linds is struggling with the heat now (oh boy, it was HOOO-OOT. Wait that looks like hoot. It's supposed to be an emphasised "HOT". You get the picture). A fair way along, and we hadn't reached the promised department store - instead we were at some hotel-thing that was merged with an upscale flea market. This is where a kindly bell-hop decided to champion our cause to find a taxi.
(Oh yeah, speaking of fleas, I forgot to mention the taxi dudes along the way. There were approx. six of them, all jumping up and down, yelling at us with the only English word they seemed to (read: pretended to) know: "Taxi!". Sorry for this intermission, but it's pretty hilarious on it's own... the best bit was where this one shrimpy old taxi dude pointed at his delapidated jalopy, and said (guess what) "Taxi?", and we replied "no, that's a car," whereupon all his competitors started shouting "No taxi! Car! Car! We taxi! He car!" i.e. he's just a car, but we're legitimate, you see...)
Back to the bell-hop. This is where I made mistake number 2.
Mistake #2: Negotiating with a taxi dude.
So while the bell-hop is going to the right place to find us an official taxi (not one official-looking taxi drove past us during this whole period, which led me to believing that official taxis did not exist in China - a very wrong assumption, I was to discover), up comes yet another flea, holding his mobile phone. "Zhuhai aeraerrahaaer?" he says. This apparently means Zhuhai Airport. "Yes," I reply. He points at his mobile phone, which reads "200". This means he wants 200yuan for the ride (it's about $25USD, not bad for an hour's journey, but when you don't know what the official rate is, this could well be an absolute rip). So I grab his mobile phone off him (who's the boss now, buddy?) and type in "120". "Aiyaheraiyurabutan" this guy utters. "180" he types in. So I put in "160". He enters "170". Deal.
Mistake #3: Reaching a deal
Okay so now is when the bell-hop turns up. "Azerwhachabanuba?" he says. "Yes," I reply. There doesn't appear to be a taxi in sight, but one is probably on it's way. An official one at that. However, in steps the dude whom I have now (apparently) reached a deal with. "Whazzaerchierupewhanashui!" he says to the bell-hop. The bell-hop then looks back at me and says "Basherrupeni?" I do believe this translates to "Are you an idiot? You are paying 170yuan for a ride that should cost you less than 10yuan?" I (of course) reply "Yes."
So this van pulls up, which is apparently our over-priced ride to Zhuhai airport. We are helped into the van, and I'm not feeling too happy with this right now. Too bad. We climb into the van, and the driver goes about 300m round a corner and stops. "Amitabhbacchan" he says. I say "Why have you stopped, driver?" but he doesn't reply, and instead, hops out. Uh oh. Another cantankerous mini-van has pulled up next to ours. The driver of this new van hops out, and beckons us to disembark. Heck, what choice do we have? So we do, and our luggage (all of it, I make sure) gets shunted into this new van. I have no idea why. It may be that our original driver was wanted by Zhuhai Airport security.
And now we were off! The new driver is pretty young, and quite conversational. The highlight of our conversation was when he turns to me and says "Rickbathosseiniulanbataar?", to which I replied "Yes. No". He then said "Yesno?" I say "yesno" in return. This game of yesno ping-pong lasts five minutes. However, all the signs that we drive past indicate that we are on the way to Zhuhai airport. Woot.
So I reluctantly part with the 170yuan, and we are dropped off at the rather nice Zhuhai airport. This place is pretty flash man, makes Nadi airport look like an outback cantina, and there certainly ain't no comparing Whangarei airport! And what's best is that the place is almost completely empty!
Btw, are you still reading? If so, awesome! How come nobody leaves any comments?? Leave a comment! Pllleease, it makes me feel popular!!! I'll continue this story in the next post, coz I'm hungry now and me and Linds are gonna find something to eat. We're in Chengdu now, so there's still more story to tell! Stay tuned.
Pies tip of the day: Going overseas? Don't pack ANYTHING. Just dump everything you own into the nearest garbage tip, and travel as light as possible - nude, if you can manage it. Excess luggage is a pain in the BACKSIDE.
