The beginning.
For some reason, Mummy pushed Ted E and myself into a bag and pulled the zipper closed.
"What's happening?" I asked Ted E, but, as usual, he remained mute - not surprising really, given his quite low IQ.
I thought this behaviour from Mummy to be quite peculiar, particularly given the vigour she displayed when trying to protect us from all those nasty boys at university as well as from her father and brothers. She had removed us from our bright and airy existence and placed us into a darkness that neither Ted nor I had ever experienced before. We were used to being cuddled and kept warm, not plunged into a cold blackness that was beyond comprehension.
For what seemed an eternity, Ted and I lay, unloved, in our ebony prison.
Suddenly, we heard voices.
Muffled voices.
Strangely familiar voices.
But no matter how much I tried, I couldn't place the voices.
Except for Mummy's.
Movement! Something was happening. We felt like we were in a boat, with the gentle rocking and rolling of a gentle swell in the ocean. Then nothing, except a little light through the bag and a rising temperature. I decided that we had been relocated, probably into the daylight.
I became aware of cursing and shouting, obviously from an angry man.
Then, abruptly, I felt an upward movement followed by a sudden stop.
"Ted, Ted, there really is something happening and I'm frightened" I whispered to my companion. Again, there was no reply or the assurance I was seeking from him. Selfish bastard.
The cursing and shouting continued, unabated for a few more minutes.
Then, without warning, there was more darkness, followed by noise and movement. Quite mysterious really.
A strange odour permeated the bag. An acrid smoky smell. I couldn't work it out. It smelled like rotting, burning dinosaurs and ancient vegetation. (These were familiar smells, as I was once a dinosaur hunter in a previous life)
There were also other noises, sounds I had heard before whilst watching TV with Mummy and Ted. We were in a car, driving somewhere.
After some time, the noise of the other traffic faded, and a steady pattern of bouncing occurred, along with the drone of the car. We were obviously on a trip somewhere.
Excitement rose as I attempted to work out where it was that Mummy was taking us to holiday. Was it the beach or the snow? The tropics or the desert? It was a considerable distance from home because we seemed to be travelling for hours....
The quietness awoke me from my slumber. We had arrived!
Once again, I heard muffled voices, but not Mummy's. Well, it was her job to sign us all into the 4 star hotel that we would stay in.
I felt us lifted up again, but this time our treatment was rough as the bag was flung about. This hotel should remove its bellboys and replace them with much gentler people. Like bears. Or even women.
Then, unexpectedly, the bag was dropped to the floor and I heard the door close. Breathlessly, I waited for Mummy to open the bag and give Ted and I the surprise of our new location. She will do this any minute now.....
My sleep was interrupted by music. Loud music. Mummy's music. Thank God, she is here. I was quite concerned for a while, I thought she had abandoned us. But she was taking quite a while to remove us from our temporary accommodation.
After an eternity, I suddenly heard the zipper open. I was quite euphoric, as we had clearly been imprisoned in our bag for many days. I could not work out why, but I was about to find out.
Partially blinded by the bright light, I could see that the person who lifted me from my jail was not Mummy. Goodness, it's Grandma!
So we had returned for a holiday from whence we came. Swan Hole. But where was Mummy?
Suddenly, grumpy old Gramps appeared. It all made sense, that cursing and shouting..... But where was Mummy? And there was Dane & Ryan. Ah, that explained the music.
Grandma took us both and we were reintroduced to a couple of old friends. Granny Bear and Lamb Chops. "There" said Grandma. "Isn't that better than being cooped up in that bag? You wouldn't like being in that bag for all these months. And you would have been stored in the ceiling"
ALL THESE MONTHS? WHERE IS MUMMY?
Ted, Ted - Mummy has run away! She doesn't love us. She didn't even tell us she was going, or leave a note.
So began our new life. Orphans. Unloved.
Thank God for Grandma. At last we have a roof over our head.
And grumpy Gramps isn't all that bad - he has left us with our friends.
Unmolested.
