Feeling homesick is the worst thing about traveling. It keeps you down, you cry...alot, and all you can really think about is home. This is what I have been experiencing since the second I got here. Crying myself to sleep, waking up with crust on my face from the tears, being sad and sick to my stomach, just wanting to go home so badly I would get a flight today if I had too. Thankfully, everyone I have talked to who has traveled alone and/or for long periods of time have gone through this, and the best part? It actually gets better (although when feeling it, it is hard to imagine). I believe today was the beginning of that sickness slowly dying off and hopefully not returning for the rest of my trip. I can't say missing people like my mom, sister, Cole and others will ever change but at least crying over them every night will.
Today when I got to the orphanage I went through the normal routine of helping with lunch and with the household chores. When the kids returned from school I was feeling pretty down still but decided, I am done with this awkwardness and feeling sorry for myself so I started a conversation with some of the girls at my table. Although it consisted of broken Spanish/spainglish, we all had a pretty good idea of what the conversation was about. They were asking were I lived, how long I would be there, if I had a boyfriend or husband (they think I'm much older because of how tall I am), where my mom is, if I had any siblings etc. I asked them about school, classes, their ages and sports they liked to play. After learning a little bit more about each other, Ada (12 years old) asked if she could braid my hair. I was so honored because just last night, Viviana was telling me it was weird they hadn't asked to braid my hair yet. After Ada completed two gorgeous French braids she and Soledad went elsewhere (I tried to take a picture of them, but it is not easy to take a picture of the back of your head, no mirror or no other person. Needless to say, no picture). Then the chef, Benni, brought a huge bag, filled with at least 100 corn, to start taking the kernels off in order to store them for the future (The corn here is very hard and not really used for eating like in the US and the kernels are the size of my thumb nail!). Four of the boys came to help with the process. I haven't really had a chance to connect with any of the boys yet, besides José when we played basketball, so I decided to make a game out of the project. I grabbed five equal sized pieces of corn, handed one to each of the boys, and shouted "rapido" and started flicking the kernels off as fast as I could. The boys followed and it then became a new race every time we had a new piece of corn in our hands. It was hilarious and a HUGE meets afterwards, but totally worth it. After I swept and was saying goodbye to everyone, Ada and Soledad asked where I was going. I told them I had to stop at the market for food to make dinner and then I was going home. They asked if they could join me, which I was ecstatic about, so we left, got ice cream (shhh) and went to the market. They held my hands the whole way which warmed my heart so much that the children are finally warming up and don't really care about my Spanish skills (Which day by day are improving immensely).
I have been feeling so alone at the orphanage. As if no one wants me there and that I am more of a burden then a help. Many times since I have arrived the thought of leaving has put a smile on face, so today was a huge stepping stone and I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. What I want more then anything is to hang out with the children, talk to them, play and laugh with them, so having that happen today made these past few days worth every tear and every thought of loneliness. I'm so grateful to be here and be able to be a part of this orphanage so I hope to have more days like today!
Peace and love for now,
Ayla
