I’m really looking forward to my future but it feels really weird to think about this life coming to an end. I actually feel like I just lived a separate life for five months.
There are two sides to going home:
1. Fear
It’s launching time. Time to leave this safe place created for us during our training period. Now it’s time to leave, go home and live life, the same you had, differently. I think the hardest part will be going home and not having the seven people I can turn to for help whenever I need it. It’s been ‘easy’ here because I have a team of prayer warriors at my beckon call.
It’s time for real life. Not the scheduled ministries planned out for you every day and all you have to do is worry about your prayer life and what God is saying to you. Nope, the real thing. The time where it is up to you to listen to God and find out what he wants you to do today, not what others have planned for you. The time to Stand up for what you believe in and see if what you’ve learned over the past however many months is gonna stick.
2. Excitement
My future with God, family and friends. Where is God going to send me? Who am I going to meet? How is He going to use me (at home as soon as I get there and further down the road)? I’m looking forward to continueing the growth in our relationship and hearing more from Him. Strengthening my gifts and blessing others. I’m really looking forward to life with and in God. I can’t wait to share stories with my family, make new and rekindle old friendships and start my life over.
I'm very happy with the way my DTS went but at the same time it's really hard because there are some thing's I didn't get to spend enough time with or would have liked to do differently. There aren't many things though. Concidering we went to so many countries in so little time there isn't much I would suggest doing differently and nothing I would go back and change if I could. Everything was a stepping stone to where I am now and I like who I've become, the things I've let go, people I've forgiven, things I've learnt, strengths I've gained, gifts I've grown in and people I've met. Having this many stamps on my passport and check marks on my "things to see before you die" list isn't too bad either. Not that I actually have one of those written down, but if I did I'm sure the Pyramids, Sphinx, Taj Mahal, Anchor Watt, Bayon, and Ta Prom temple would be on it.
It's been a crazy journey and the only thing that isn't ending how I wanted it to is the relationships between me and the team. I think they are good and we will stay in touch like family. By family I mean once a year or big life changing moments, not once a week or month. Not necessarily a bad thing, our team just got to know each other past the lets keep in touch all the time and get to know each other better stage. I know that the girls and I could have been better but a friend of mine made me feel a lot better about leaving it all at this state. He helped me change from "I failed and gave up" to "I stopped struggling." It's made it much easier. It's nice to know that I'm leaving and there is nothing that is being left as a problem between us.
Life is going to be hard but I'll struggle through.
Life is going to be scary but I'll keep my eyes up.
I'm going to need help but He'll be there for me.
I'm going to get weak but He'll carry me.
