Once again it has come the time to say goodbye. The last time was in Sydney when I started my journal by saying goodbyes to the city I had lived in for almost a year. At that point I was looking forward to my travels in South East Asia but also the time I would reach home and meet my family and friends. Well that time has come. I'm in a train to Bangkok where I will have my flight to Manila. The last part of my trip. I will meet my family and attend to my brothers wedding. Then I'm off to Finland and then in few weeks to Barcelona. Home.
I've been waiting for this for which seems like forever but I can not help feeling sad. This means that my dream world will come to an end and to its inevidable death. Don't get me wrong I really miss you all but when I've been travelling I've literally been living in another world, a dream world. In this reality everything is different. I'm free to do as I please. If it rains I can go where the sun shines. If I thought of something unpleasent I've been free to imagine it to go away. In this world it doesn't exist. The thruth that my boyfriend who I lived with married to someone else cause his parents wanted him to didn't happen in this world. It's like I'm living in parallel life which is created by every choise we make. But I know I don't belong here and I have to go back to my real life. With me I take the memories. I now know what it would be like to live in this world. I am blessed in so many ways. To be given this opportunity to see and learn what I am really cabable of and what are my strenghts and weaknesses. I am not a religious person but I have found faith. There is a huge difference between the two and I have now learned that not to have faith is very selfish. (Don't worry I wont becoming the next missionary, that is for the religious people). I have learned that there are no coincidences. The people you meet are there for a reason.
Back to reality. I've changed. And then I'm not. I'm the same. I wish to think that I've learned so much but I remain confused. I feel so small and powerless in this world. I begin to understand the people who don't travel. It is easier to stay in your comfort zone. The more you travel and see things the more you realize that you can not stay still in one place. Some may say it's an easy life, travellers life without going to same work every day worrying about normal things but it's not. Instead you start worrying about homeless people, war victims, powerty and where are you going to sleep tonight. In the end it becomes like a heroin. It consumes you but you cannot live without it. There are good days and there are bad days. Sometimes you feel so alone and tired but then you meet new people and go to a new place with new things to do and you get that rush of new experiences and you really feel alive.
With this I say goodbye to my dream world to my parallel reality. It has been a pleasure. Amazing trip through Bali, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos. Amazing trip by myself and with so many people that I will miss. Amazing experiences, doing things I never thought I would, staying in places I never believed I could but most of all getting to know myself, learning to count to 100, learning to ask the way and take chances.
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it is not the end." (unknown)
