So, it looks like my 8 month trip is coming to an end as it is my last week in Latin America so over the next few days I will be penning some of the highlights, lowlights and comedy moments from my trip. It has been a truly memorable time - I`ve learnt to speak Spanish very well, been on the radio & tv, survived in the Amazon jungle, been to the crater of one of the most active volcanos in the world, climbed peaks of 5,000m, been to some of the world`s most beautiful colonial cities, discovered some of Guatemala`s best kept secrets (trust me, in a country as well touristed as Guatemala that`s hard)and chilled on some amazing lakes and beaches....oh, and I`ve only actually been to two countries. Sometimes, if you pick your countries well, less is more.
Below are some of the things that have made me laugh over the last 8 months...
Top 5 "Most Amateur Moments"
1. The "What language do they speak in England" question - I was chatting to a woman who sells insurance in Guatemala one day when she asked me "what language do you speak in England?". After checking that I`d heard the question correctly I replied in a very matter of fact way "English". This grand revelation was met with the response, "oh, the same as in America". Obviously, I couldn`t let that go so I told her the story of how English arrived in England and the country got its name."Fijese, about 300 years ago the Americans conquered England. And you know how in Spain, France and Germany the languages are named after the countries. Well, the people of England decided to change the name of the country to better match the language like in all other European countries." She believed me. If you happen to come across a Guatemalan girl who sells insurance telling you the story of how England got its name and English came to be spoken in the country you can thank me. Ok, so it was a bit cruel but sometimes you just can`t resist...
2. The "Oh my god, it`s a lion" moment. This happened in my Cuidad Perdida trekking group although I didn`t actually witness it myself. After a days hiking in the jungle some people were sitting around the table ready for dinner when one of the girls exclaimed, "oh my god, did you see that lion". The person sitting next to her at the table responds with, "I think you`ll find that`s a cow that was walking quickly". Doh.
3. The "why don`t they fit cars with catalytic converters in Guatemala" question. A young couple from the US were lodging with Doña Espe for a couple of weeks while I was there. The girl complained to me and her partner one evening about the pollution from vehicles in Xela. "Why don`t they fit all the motorbikes and cars in Guatemala with catalytic converters? I mean, in Calafornia all our cars have them and the air is so much cleaner. Can you ask the señora for me why they don`t do it". I told her that we shouldn`t really trouble the señora with that question as I could probably answer it. Maybe, just maybe,people in Guatemala have greater priorities than having vehicles fitted with catalytic converts - like spending their money on food, clothes, petrol for their vehicles if they have one and sending their children to school...I think she got the message.
4. The "what river is this?" question. On arriving in Leticia, which is on the border of the Colombian, Brazilian and Peruvian portions of the Amazon I was sharing a group with some Colombian tourists. The father of the group turned around and asked his guide, "what river is this then?". Well, amigo, let me give you a clue - we are in a place called the Amazon and the river we are on is about 3km wide. It might just be the River Amazon. Ok, it is a little bit harsh given the number of rivers running through the Amazon you would have thought he`d have looked at a map before arriving in Leticia.
5. The "can you thin out my eyelashes" order. It may surprise some of you, but I can do amateur things as well from time to time. Learning a new language is fraught with dangers none more so when you`ve reached a stage where you think you`re getting pretty good at it. Needing to get my sideburns thinned out while I was having my haircut I wasn`t sure of the word for sideburns but thought I knew it. I asked the hairdresser to "thin out my pestañas". I initally felt quite proud of myself for knowing such a technical word like "thin out" until I saw the haidresser`s horrified look. Hmmm - maybe I got the wrong word. "Mi amor, you`re asking me to thin out your eyelashes" she says pointing at her eyelashes. Oh, doesn`t your average Colombian male ask the same thing...
