How bureaucracies and bureaucrats go about their business can tell you a lot about a country. Colombia is no different. For example, a few days ago I had to go the immigration office in Popayan to get my visa extended for another month. In theory, the process is relatively straightforward and involves taking your passport, two photocopies of it and photos to the immigration office. You should then be asked to deposit 68,000 pesos into a government bank account and upon presentation of the paying in slip at the immigration office they will give you the necessary stamp. The requirement to deposit the money in a government bank account is to avoid immigration officials pocketing the visa extention money for themselves. (Lesson 1: officially, Colombia takes corruption seriously and will do everything possible to be seen as less corrupt than other Latin American countries)
The actual process was somewhat more inefficient and amusing than the "official" one. On turning up to the immigration building I was handed a visitors pass and informed that I was to wear it around my neck at all times by some security guard brandishing a gun around. The "extranjeros" office was relatively easy to find and I was pleased to see that there was only one other person there. The señor waved me in and began the "interview".
It was all straightforward and involved probing questions such as "how do you like Colombia" and "tell me about all the places that you`ve been to". He seemed impressed with some of the places I`ve been to and we ended up talking about where I wanted to go next and where else I should go. (Lesson 2: Colombians are very nice people and are genuinely pleased to see foreigners in their country. They also love talking...)
After our little exchange of notes on Colombia the señor informed me that it was my lucky day and I wouldn`t need to go to the bank to deposit the 68,000 pesos. At no extra cost, I could give him the money and save myself the effort of going to the bank. As it happened he had a "ready made" paying in slip with all the relevant stamps but with someone elses name on it. Apparently, she didn`t need her visa extension in the end but went through the whole process anyway. I didn`t really understand how this was all possible especially as the girl next to me seemed to be having the same luck but at times like this it is always best to deploy the "no questions asked and do what they do tell you policy". (Lesson 3: even when engaging in blatantly corrupt activities Colombians still want to give it a semblance of legitimacy. If this had been in Mexico or Guatemala niether of us would have pretended what was going on was anything other than corrupt. They would have told me to give them a certain amount of money, we would have haggled a bit over the "fee", they would have stamped my passport and we would be done with it. There would be none of this nonsense of fake paying in slips etc).
Continuing with the "official" process I was told to go to the photocopy shop to get some copies of my passport. "Don`t worry about it señor, I`ve already got them" I told him. "Oh no sir, that won`t do, I need them all one page and with the paying in slip on the page as well. Let me just tipex out this other señora`s name off the slip and put yours on it". (Lesson 4: it never pays to be prepared in Colombia. Just roll with it and it will all work out in the end")
After getting the photocopies I returned to office and tried to pay the señor with 100,000 pesos. The señor politely informed me that he didn`t have any change so I would have to go and find some for him. Oh, and while I was at it I should go to the photoshop and get two passport photos. (Lesson 5: even in corrupt transactions the onus is on the non-bureaucrat to go to all the effort. Power lies with bureaucrat)
The girl who was also getting her visa extended seemed to be going through a similar process. However, I looked across to see her having her hair rearranged by the señora in charge of her visa renewal. "That looks much better. You will look so much more beautiful in the photo with your hair like this". The girly looked completely bemused by this but took it in the right spirit. (Lesson 6: even for something as minor as a passport photo you need to look your best in Colombia).
As I waited for my photos to come out I went hunting for the change that the señor had requested. The only place that seemed like it might have change was a cafe nearby. I was forced to buy an 800 pesos emapanda, which I didn`t really want to get change for my 50,000 peso note. Only, the lady told me that she didn´t have any change and would be forced to send an errand boy to get some. Fine, my photos aren`t done in any case. (Lesson 7: nobody ever has change for 50,000 peso notes.)
Twenty minutes later neither my change nor photos were ready. I told the lady to forget her empanada and that I would look for my change elsewhere. She suddenly put some urgency into the quest for change and headed for the photoshop to get it. After telling her that I was going there myself and I didn`t want the empanada I returned to the photoshop to find my photos were ready. I receive my photos to discover that unbeknown to me I am actually wearing a suit. The man in the "studio" had spent 20 minutes superimposing my head on a suit. (Lesson 8: Official means offical in Colombia. That means you need to look smart. A polo short just won´t do).
I returned to the immigration office armed with my change and photos. I entered the office to find the señora with a big smile across her face looking at the girl´s photos. "Oh, you look so beautiful with your hair like that. Your husband will love you even more now". (Lesson 9: the onus is on wives to impress their husbands. Latino men need to make no effort whatsoever once they are married - apart from if they want a mistress of course)
I thought the process would end with the exchange of money and stamps but there was an extra stage - taking my fingerprints. You would normally expect someone to take prints of your thum and index fingers. Not in Colombia. They needed prints of every single finger. The señor informed me that this was if "interpol" needed my details at any stage in the future they could trace me back to Colombia with all the paperwork in order. (Lesson 10: Colombia is at the forefront of combatting international crime and won´t be accused of not taking every conceivable measure in the war against drugs)
All this in a grand total of 2 1/2 hrs and I even got my visa extended. (Lesson 11: Colombia actually works and is a relatively efficient country).
