My mom used to tell me that when you tried to do good, evil would inevitably try and dissuade you. I have witnessed this before and at times it has worked. I have let fear and doubt stop me from doing the good deeds I dreamed of in the past. Today I experienced some doubt in what I have set out to do and felt like I would not be able to complete my goal. This morning was a completely unorganized mess. All the plans made the night before went flying out the window this morning. I had no one to go with Morgan and I to interpret, or direct us as we passed out food deep into the local villages. I was also dealing with trying to help the clinic plan on how to take care of the people who showed up at 7:30am to be treated with the medication bought. The clinic did not get around to treating these people until about 11am, after they had walked such long distances to be promptly there at 7:30am. I could feel my chest tightening with the fear that my project would go to waste because I have so little time to complete it and was hitting roadblocks today. I had to take a couple massive breaths then let go and let God. I let people know exactly what I needed to complete today and then I set out to prepare the 14 bags I planned on distributing while praying fervently that I would be successful in reaching the people I had bought food and medicine for.
We got it together around 11, a boda boda came and would stay with us while we emptied our massive sack. The cell leader came and we set off for our first village. Once there, that cell leader was no where to be found, so Morgan and I sat down on a bench a jaja brought for us and began feeling the same defeat we were feeling earlier. After waiting for almost an hour, the leader arrived and we set off with our ever-patient boda boda driver following us. We rushed through this village trying to keep the leader focused. The language barrier did not allow us to get all the information we had gotten when working with Pastor Isaac. We did not take time to pray with those who we visited. All in all the morning just was completely disheartening. I had to tell myself to keep my head up and remind myself what my mother used to tell me. It dawned on me that this was occurring today, whatever bad energy is out there was trying to disrupt the task God had put on my heart. Morgan and I put one foot in front of the other and forged on.
After lunch we set out immediately to our second village of the day. This time everything was organized and ran smoothly. We were able to spend some time with each of the people we visited and fed. One jaja housed 25 people and struggled to feed them all. Another man lived in a small room, the size of a janitor’s closet, in the back of a shop. His children had deserted him and he was left to pray and defend for himself in his old age. Another woman was struggling to keep food on the table while her husband healed from a bad vehicle accident. Our last jaja could barley walk yet she would drag herself on hands and knees to her cooking pit to provide food for her 4 grandchildren and husband. Everywhere you turned there were children with sores all over their bodies, and potbellies sticking out of torn, yellowed clothing. All the while I knew I would have a large meal cooked by Anna waiting for me back at Canaan, a shower and a bed in a clean room. I do not understand what I have done to deserve always being safe and comfortable in life while innocents have to drink alcohol for dinner so that they do not feel the hunger pain and can find sleep. I am only helping 51 people with only two weeks worth of food; there are so many others who need help. This thought did make me question at one time, “what is the point? How does helping this small handful change the world in any way?” These are not questions I am to know the answer to though. God wanted me to provide food to these people for whatever reason he saw fit. It is not my business to question God’s plans but rather to blindly follow and let him use me to complete the tasks he puts on my heart.
Always follow your heart
Gypsy RN
