Meeting my relatives in Vietnam was a true highlight. My favourite part was meeting my relatives in Bong Son where most of my aunts, uncles and cousins live. My grandparents lived here until they passed away. It is tradition that the parents’ house remains in the family and not be sold. Since my grandparents left, my uncle-7 (the 6th oldest of siblings) became the “curator” of the family home. My grandparents had ten kids, I know of them because my dad had told me numerous family stories and have kept my siblings and me current about our family but I have never seen them in so long nor have met some of them. I didn’t have a clear memory of what they look like or how they are from when I last saw them at four years old when I left Vietnam. So it was like meeting them for the first time, plus I have never met my cousins and their children.
It was very emotional to meet my family after thirty one long years. Although I only knew of them, it seemed like they all knew me and some had stories about my childhood in Vietnam. I was surprised, impressed and flattered my older cousins knew me so well. I was embarrassed I didn’t know a whole lot about them other than who is which aunt or uncle’s kids.
There were lots of tears in Bong Son. Tears of joy, tears of relief and tears of sadness. We were all happy to see each other and be in the presence of one another. It was Gen’s comment that made me realize that there were tears of reliefs: thirty one years ago these people said their goodbyes when we left but they were also mourning the separation. We left and were heading to Hong Kong but there were never any guarantees that our boat was going to make it. Many boats had left before us and sank, many more sank after us as well. So for my aunts and uncles to see us again, alive and healthy was very special. That’s why it was so sad to leave them again after we had such a wonderful time catching up. I still have a vivid picture in my head of my aunt-2 and her girls waving us away with tears on their face. The visit felt so short and incomplete. I wanted to go back the next day and spend more time with them.
While visiting them I definitely regret coming to the realization that my Vietnamese is very weak, my Vietnamese vocabulary is comparable to one of a 6th grader. I really wish I had the words and competence to tell them so much more than what I was trying to say with my smiles and head nodding. I very much wanted to communicate to them my joy and relief to be in their presence, I wish I had the words to tell them I was proud to be related to them, if only I was able to tell them in words how truly happy I was to be sharing a meal and spending time with them. And to my aunts and uncles, I desperately wanted to tell them how much of my dad I see in them and vice versa, I wish we were together all the time. I also wish I could speak eloquently when things got formal, the way my dad taught us at home. It was a very frustrating experience for me to be trapped in a 6th grader’s mouth! On the other hand, when I did have the words to express myself, I didn’t always understand what the replies were.
A couple of my cousins spoke perfect English and that helped me a lot. I was able to comfortably communicate with them and understand what they had to say. It was also a relief for me because this meant that Gen can be more actively engaged in our conversations. My poor Gen, she normally is very social and is very curious about learning new things but couldn’t speak or understand what were said during the many reunions. We had a wonderful time in Hanoi speaking with my cousin and his wife who both teach English. It was great to see Gen engaged in a conversation for a change :o) Meeting my other cousin in Saigon whom too spoke perfect English was really fun. She took really good care of us showing us around and taking us to really good restaurants. The first week spent with her was super helpful to get familiarized with Saigon and Vietnam. We’re going to miss you Tan!
We also had many other family reunions around delicious traditional meals; almost every night for a week. I have so many relatives in Saigon, it was terrific to meet them! Most of my cousins are married and some have kids and they were all younger than I am; they get that sort of things done early on in Vietnam :o) It was great to meet their kids.
It was also fun at the table to rediscover certain foods and remembering how delicious they taste: awakening forgotten taste buds when I eat something I once had as a kid was fun. And letting the aroma of food tease my brain, trying to figure out when and where I once smelled the same smell before was a challenging exercise but were also very memorable moments.
Another highlight was when we visited my native town. When we first drove in to Quy Nhon, my native town, I was super stimulated. My brain was racing with thoughts and I could feel my heart pounding a little harder. I was imagining how my life would have been if we stayed: I see a random man on the street and I wonder if his son and I could had been best buddies; I see a woman my age and I wonder if she could had been an old flame; I could very well be in the shoes of that guy fixing the scooter or the other guy in a suit on the cell phone... Lots of “what if’s”! The first half hour was quite intense. I don’t have the answers to the “what if’s” but I am glad to have a great story to tell about how I grew up in Canada and met all of you and Gen...
With the help from the older folks still living in the neighbourhood, my mom was able to take my sister, Gen and I to visit our old house. We had a beautiful house; it had a well in the front where we collected water from, it had a big backyard where we had a pig and my parents had hens in the pen where I was sometimes sent to get eggs. We also had a young coconut tree on the side of the house. In the back we had guava and custard apple trees. Well none of that is still around. Our old house was turned into a daycare. However, we were lucky enough to get invited in by the teacher and we saw the inside that was renovated and looked different from the good old days :o)
Later we were all so excited when my mom was reunited with an old friend of hers, this man played a major role in my parents relationship: he was the mailman for my parents lover letters behind my grandparents back. He also made my mom’s wedding dress. It was such a high to see them once again reunited.
We also visited the beach were we left Vietnam 31 years ago. It wasn’t as emotional a visit as I expected but nonetheless it was good to see where it all ended and started for us. It took a long time and a lot of help from the older generation folks in the neighbourhood to relocate this beach. This beach was once a wild beach and is now a public park. This town have changed dramatically that my mom couldn’t recognized 95% of it; street names were changed, buildings came down and new ones erected.
The entire visit of Quy Nhon will remain very special to me.
