The Examined Life

I am fairly adventurous when it comes to animals—I’ve herded cattle, held scorpions, and earned my “sea cred” swimming with sharks. So when I joined 8 other ocean enthusiasts to swim with the sea lions off the coast of Puerto Madryn, it wasn't a huge stretch.

The highly rated Lobo Larson Sea Lion Tour promised 3 hours of fun, which began with a brief training/promotional video, the ceremonial signing of the waiver, and recommendations for romancing the flirty, good-natured pups. By the time we got to the water, I was out-of-my-mind excited to swim with the sea lions, who had been billed as, the "puppies of the sea."

Before arriving to Punta Lobo, we drove out to the “training beach,” where we all donned 7mm thick wetsuits and tackled challenges--like swimming in 7mm thick wetsuits. I had to admit, I wasn't digging how the wetsuit converted me into an immobile buoy. I also realized about 5 minutes in that I had to pee...which was not a reasonable option in the suit.

It took us 30 minutes to get from the training beach to Punto Lobo, and as we neared the point, all I could see in the distance was a group of males, snarling and fighting on the shore. For a moment I thought we were lost, but then I had the horrible realization...it wasn’t baby season, it was MATING season.

I immediately felt two things: anger at the false advertising, and panic. I had absolutely no desire to swim with horny, 800lb sea lions, but there was no time to backtrack, and I found myself swimming--or more accurately, awkwardly bobbing--toward the army on the shore.

Turns out, male sea lions do not swim playfully, steal snorkels and amuse tourists with their silly baby antics. They are 9 foot long, hulking creatures that sneak up on you like a watery version of Batman. At one point, one of the big males swam about 3 or 4 feet underneath me, and we made dead-on eye contact. I had expected the eyes of the sea lion to be warm and expressive, but his were cold and fishy. He stared at me blankly, as if he were already dead. It was a mental picture I won’t soon forget.

Coming Face-to-Face With The Sea Lions
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Though I survived the afternoon, a little wiser for the wear, I emerged with two tips for anyone taking an adventure tour in Argentina:

1. Don't trust the website
2. Always know when it's mating season!