Well, here we go again, after losing about 6 pages of my journal, I have proceeded to drown my sorrows in sticky mango rice and the worlds best orange juice (I kid you not). So, here I am now, about to try again to repeat the torrid tale that I have already spewed out once before. This is my first trip overseas and after telling people that for my first experience I have decided to explore South East Asia and India over four months the general response is a “wow, that’s an interesting place to go for your first experience”. I say there is nothing like jumping in the deep end. And that’s how it felt when I first arrived, but I digress, to the story of my journey so far. I left New Zealand at Christchurch Airport on Wednesday 17th July, 2007 for Bangkok, Thailand. Our flight was supposed to take a measly 13 hours and thanks to a delay at the start of our trip it ended up becoming a 21 hour ordeal. We started off flying Qantas and ended up switching to Thai Air in Sydney, where we had our first stop over that originally was supposed to be 1 hour and turned into 3 hours, then on to Brisbane for another stop over and finally on to Bangkok 21 hours later. Well, totally exhausted my buddy (Clodagh) and I arrived at the airport and then it happened, the thing so many people told me about, that first step into the atmosphere of Thailand. I moved through the spinning doors and stepped out into what can only be described as the muggyness of your local indoor swimming pool x 10 coupled with the lung clogging eau de diesel of the hourds of traffic. After negotiating the many levels of the airport we finally discovered the public taxi stand and started the one hour drive into central Bangkok to our final destination. As we drove along I stared in animated detachment at the run down dirty environment that is everyday life here. We finally arrive at our destination, a little soi (alley) called Rambuttri near Th Khao San. We hunt down a nice little room over looking a temple and then throw our exhausted bodies onto our beds and sleep the day away. Feeling a little more Thai Savvy, thanks to an impromtu Thai lesson from a super friendly woman in a local chemist 2 days later after navigating the food and shopping potential and of course Khao San Road, not to mention a moment or two lying in bed staring up at the ceiling fan thinking “WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE!” we decide to head out of town and down to the tropical island paradise of Koh Phangan. We book the ticket from a local travel agent for a ‘V.I.P.’ bus, so bags packed we head off to meet the bus and depart about 5pm in the evening. I end up sitting next to an Australian I have affectionately called ‘Poppa’ relating to a story he told me on our journey (I never got his real name). We travelled in the bus watching movies (Apocalypto) and sleeping (or attempting to), until our arses were numbed beyond recognition, we arrived in Suri Thani at 5 am where we had to wait for another 3 hours, so 2 Canadian, a pom and us 2 kiwis sat and played cards and swapped travel stories until we were picked up in, wait for it, a ‘pick up’ truck. We crammed ourselves into this truck for a short 10 min drive to the ferry terminal. Clodagh and I were sardined in the front seat with the driver listening to some weird mantra style Thai song at full blast. Upon arriving at the ferry terminal we were jumped on by a guy selling rooms at this guest house on the island, we asked many times over if it was near where we wanted to go and he assured us it was so we (foolishly) forked over the first nights costs and carried on our merry way. Jumping on the ferry I realised that I was surrounded by over tanned party hard youngens and I spent the entire journey to Koh Phangan doing a mixture of sleeping, frying and praying that the beach we were going to was a long way away from these people. We arrive at Koh Phangan and I already have a nice red glow on, we disembark the ferry and jump on board a truck and head to our pre payed accomodation and realise on the journey that we are heading in the exact opposite direction to the one we intended to go, so after a heated discussion with the owner we decided to cut our losses and convinced them to take us back into Thong Sala (where the ferry landed). We chalked that one up to experience and it adds to the experience I guess. We catch a taxi to Haad Rin (made famous by the full moon parties – not my cup of tea love) we find ourselves a long tail boat to take us to our hiatus for the next couple of weeks, Haad Tien Beach. Arriving it is a lot smaller than I expected, but we were greeted by the sign I had been longing to see – welcoming us to The Sanctuary. We throw our exhausted bodies off the boat and onto the beach and stare in wonder before heading off to find our lodgings for our time here. The first place we come across seemed nice enough so we asked to see a room, they took us to a bungalow that looked alright, but it was dirty and the sheets were dirty so we sent them away to get a broom and sweep and clean sheets, while they were away doing that Clodagh decided to go to the bathroom, so I made myself comfortable lying in the hammock on the front porch. I had a view of the bathroom wall and it was open air so we could converse. Well, the tap in the bathroom didn’t work so C.J. couldn’t flush so she decided to fill the water from the shower, but when she turned the tap on the shower head went flying (lucky it didn’t hit anyone) a squeal and a shaft of water came pouring out much to my amusement and C.Js discontent (going to the toilet and ended up with a shower), we can laugh about it now. So, obviously we decided that this perhaps wasn’t the kind of lodgings we were looking for and headed off further down the track and this is where we found our beacon on hope in the form of Beam Bungalows, greeted by Beam and his ‘beaming’ smile we settled into our nice little home, a simple room with a king size bed and an outdoor bathroom (300 bht). We threw our bags on the floor and headed down to the ‘Santuary Wellness Centre’ where we were greeted with and unfriendly “you want something” from the manager, we informed him that we wanted to do a 7 day fast (am I crazy?!?!) and he asked how many days we had done the pre fast for and we replyed with one day and he told us to go and eat fruit and non-starch vege for the next day and come in again and do ‘The Test’ (litmus test for acidity). So, off we go to the restaurant and order ourselves a salad, feeling good about all the healthy food we had been eating we thought we were a shoe in for the test, so we took our wary bodies off to our little bungalow in the trees and chilled out. The next day like good little puppies off we went to eat our healthy fruit and vege, which was starting to wear thin already (perhaps the toxins were coming out already) we strolled confidently over to the Wellness Centre and feeling the nervous anxiety one normally associates with exams in high school we spat onto a little piece of paper only to be told that we had failed, FAILED! Once again that annoying little voice in my head was going “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!”, pushing it to the side, feeling a little dejected and hanging my head in shame I headed back to the bungalow, and to another meal of fruit and vege. But during this down time a small beacon of hope shone through in the form of Mama, a local massage wonder woman who had a little shed down by the beach, she and her crew gave amazing massages. So, subjecting myself to the merciless hands of Mama I lay down for a foot massage that threw me into the realms of pain that I gritted my teeth through, to be rewarded with the sensation of walking on clouds, and she threw in a neck and shoulder massage to boot. What wonders, I was in heaven. Well, another day down and feeling a slight animosity towards anything of the salad kind we headed over to the Wellness Centre feeling a little more humble we once again spat on our little pieces of paper and instantly Moon’s (the manager) face lit up and he said “now that’s more like it”. We had passed! Woohoo! (I think – hmm) At that moment the idea of lounging in a hammock in sweet bliss was shattered when I realised I was starving myself for 7 days, yes, I would be swinging blissfully in a hammock, but with the sweet smell of delictable delicacies would be floating by from the restaurant next door. Once again that little voice pops up, buts its quickly quashed with other fasters telling me how good they feel and how good it is for you, and they were glowing. So, convinced that I was doing the right thing for myself I headed off to the restaurant for my ‘final feast’. The next day I wake up to the first of the fasting rituals, a delicious (full sarcasm is to be experienced with that word) clay shake, this consists of a mix of water with bentonite clay (volcanic ash) mixed with psyllium husks, mmm mmm I hear you say. Grinning and bearing it I swill it back faster than a beer bellied brute in a drinking competition, you’d be impressed. Half an hour later it was herb pill time and then head down to the Wellness Centre to my first Colonic – Yes folks you heard it right, part of the fasting experience is two Colonic Irrigations per day (they call them colema boards). All in the name of health! After an animated demonstration by Moon on how to use the system it was time to go it alone. I wont go into too much detail, but basically it involves filling yourself up with water and then pushing it out in order to clean out all that nasty Mucoid Plaque that has built up over the years inside and also flushing out all those nasty toxins in the system – and lets face it, Ive had a few years of building those up. So, my first colema ended up a fruitful one with lotsa stuff coming out, each one proved different, but I will fill you in later. I cleaned up, showered off and proceeded up to the lounging area, plucked a good book out of the cupboard of literature they have and nestled myself into the nearest hammock (my new home away from home). I felt fine on the first day and actually felt better not eating than when I was eating fruit and vege only. So, with re-newed hope that I had made a good choice I lay back and read a little, conversed a little and slept a little, perfect bliss. C.J. was feeling a little more energetic and spent her time swimming in the ridiculously warm water and taking herbal steams. Day One down – fantastic! Day Two, I woke up feeling a little weaker today, thought it was the not eating thing, didn’t feel hungry at all, hard to when you are filling yourself up with four clay shakes a day and pills and juices. Colemas werent as fruitful today as the day before, but stuff is still coming out. Nestled into my home away from home again to have my peace shattered by that oh so familiar accent, more Kiwis!!!! 3 guys hailing from the North Island joined in the fasting group bringing the grand total of Nzers at the fast to 6! Home away from home, this isnt quite what I expected. Day Two wasn’t too eventful, and was made slightly easier by the eye candy of one of the staff who will remain nameless, my friends were right, Thai guys are quite good looking. Every evening was filled with great conversation around the dinner table, when all the fasters gathered for the evening ‘meal’, which consisted of a bowl of vege broth which was reasonably tasteless, but we could add as much chilli and lime as we wished. As the fast progressed we would imagine different things that our broth could be, such as cream of brocolli soup or minestrone or that it contained lumps of some type of meat, hmm, the cravings of a starved mind. Day Two down – lovely! Day Three – The day from hell, I call this day “Torture In The Name of Health”. I awaken feeling weak and nauseas, down my clay shake and stumble down to the Wellness Centre, do my colema, wash and climb the steps and curl up in my hammock (fortunately others saw it as my hammock too, might have something to do with me being surgically attached to it when they arrive in the mornings). Lying there in agony I try to tell others of my sob story but the thought of attempting talk results in the overwhelming sensation of wanting to vomit, so I pack up my rotting carcass and trundle off to bury myself in the bungalow. The day passed by with a series of mindless stumblings between my bungalow and the Wellness Centre where I glare at the staff as if they had poisoned me and forced me to do the fast at gun point. Today my little voice wins through and I spend the day going over in my head, “Really! Really! What the Fuck Am I Doing This For!) Im told that I will feel better and its just the toxins coming out and its perfectly normal, damn those cursed toxins I say. Health my arse, I feel like shit. Trundling off to bed Day Three is through – thank fuckin’ christ! Day Four arrives and I wake up feel weak but good, so I trundle off the Centre where I see Lay’s friendly face asking me how I am, I say that Im much better and I proceed into the day, much as the other days, chatting, lying around (like I planned, none of this exercise shit =P), perving at the nameless good looking Thai boy. And at dinner we decide to watch a movie so on goes Blades of Glory, hilarious. It instantly picks up my mood and I wander off to bed feeling like a happy little camper. Day Four down – sweet! Day Five – Im alive, feeling a little more energetic I bounce off to the Wellness Centre for the daily routine, the day goes on much as before with the exception of this insane hunger I have, so most of the day is spent fantasising about food, my diary is now brimming with fantastical recipes of food that I will be subjecting to my clients on the upcoming tour season back home. Day Five down – mmm mmm! Day Six, Oh my God! I feel fantastic, Im now glowing like all those other crazy cats that I saw on my first arrival. So much energy, I join C.J. for some yoga in the morning and go for a walk over to Haad Yuan, plus a swim in the ridiculously warm water. What a great day. Watched some trainees learning Thai boxing. C.Js not feeling so good today, her energy is going down, maybe because of all the exercise she was doing at the start of the fast, seems like when Im up shes down and vice versa. Day Six down – Yeah! Day Seven, it’s the last day of the fast and a buddhist like calm has fallen over me today, I feel like Im floating and for the first time I feel like I don’t want to start eating again, but my curiosity about the whole eating again thing is too much. For the last two days I have had successful colemas getting lots of nasty plaque out. Tonight I head to bed feeling like a child on the night before Christmas, tomorrow I get to eat, how exciting!!! Day Seven down – bloody marvelous! Day Eight, Im so excited, I head down for my last colema and then off to the restaurant for my first meal, a bowl of apple, sounds not so exciting but boy was it good, it was so hard to actually chew it down and not choke myself as I just wanted to swallow as soon as it hit my mouth. I feel great and I am now 3 kg lighter than when I started. Thanks to all the staff at the Sanctuary Wellness Centre (Moon, Lay, Bow, Goy, Toe and Nu) who came good in the end and tirelessly put up with all our whining and feeling sorry for ourselves, where they work all through their fasts. C.J. and I decided to spend the next four days on the island still lounging and eating, oh my god, eating. I have never had so much appreciation for food before, but now, well, its amazing stuff. We went for a kayak around the coast checking out another couple of beaches which was nice and went into Haad Rin to book our ticket back to Bangkok. That was an experience, after spending two weeks on a reasonably remote beach I felt like Leo DiCaprio’s character in the beach when they went back to the city to get supplies, it just seemed so hideous and dirty, but was a good warm up to coming back to Bangkok. We found a reasonably priced Katamaran ferry to Chumporn and then bus back to Bangkok, during the day, much nicer than busing most of the way at night. A few note worthy things that happened whilst on the island worth mentioning is our friend Gex the giant lizard that kept us company, keeping the bugs away. All the little gecko’s that hung out in our bungalow. The big fanged spider who I had to chase away with a broom because it foolishly decided to make its web above the door of an arachnaphobiac (C.J.). The ants and mosquitos who turned my body into a very popular drive through, much to my annoyance. The quotable quotes that we spoke before thinking: Shona – “I don’t get this tropical paradise bullshit, show me the mountains” C.J. – “Thank God the suns gone away”. I must say that I have never encountered so many people talking shit (quite literally) in one place at one time. So here ends this chapter of the story, in six days we are off to India and another chapter. So, stay tuned, and in the meanwhile, we will hang out in our little out of the way guest house down by the river, eat food and see the sites of Bangkok.
Ka Kite and Kia Kaha.
