Those days, when we feel phisycally sore and weak, always take its part in our lives sooner or later; we will always fail trying to escape them, so it is stupid to reject them anyway. Today I understood and felt usefulness of such days. It IS important to be physically ill, because it is kind of test which gives us spiritual power and growth, in case of passing it, or devastation and encumbrance of own loneliness, in case of failing it. As I read in one adorable book: sometimes you need to surrender before you win. And this phrase has completely conquered my mind and my soul from that time. I am that kind of person who literally hates weaknesses, but my own conviction in non-exictance of hate, as such, makes me always disallow and ignore it. Years of training of neglecting and unwillingness to see weak sides in everything around me, gave me great skill at non-manifestation it. And so far, I was proud of that, although, perhaps, never mentioning my pride at all. If only not to take into account the fact, that it was the biggest delusion of my whole life.
Nevertheless, this story does not include my fallacies; it intends to release my conclusions and share piece of my heart with every person who is able to comprehend it through the simple black lines. As I’ve already mentioned, I AM ashamed of weaknesses, and illness is the leader in this group. I always percieved, and was surely convinced, that other people also perceive the illness condition as a failure, as a helplessness. But when you accept it, and dismiss all your negative emotions, you explore a new, limitless, bright and actually amazing world in and out of yourself. You stop being coward with your own “I”. In another words, you reach a condition of harmony. But do you know why it is so hard to achieve it? Because illness implies being detached from society (logically, not to spread the virus further). Illness demands self-loneliness. And that is what we all so afraid of. That is what scares us more than anything else. Unexplainably, people are afraid of who they really are. Maybe because of the intimate secrets or shame we get for them; maybe because of our dreams and dread that they will never come true; maybe because of realization that we, human race, are no better that animals and that we are far no dominant, but much more submissive species. I don’t know. No-one probably knows… I am just saying: Learn to love loneliness and you will fall in love with the world; Learn to enjoy it and you will never be bored of life; Learn to appreciate it and you will be never lost yourself.
And to start, all you need is to watch, to observe, to supervise. Try it. Try to obsere nature around you: tranquil floating sky above your head, exhilarating singing of the birds, ruthless might of the wind, perfect stillness of the trees, gentle movement of the grass… You will see how world is going to change in your eyes, and how the world is going to change you. Let your heart finally wake up.
And then the truth will enlighten you.
