We are sitting in the yard in the back of his cousin’s adobe house after having had a quiet morning together, alone, enjoying each other’s company. We are talking about the subject we both hate the most.
What will the future bring and what does it mean for our life, together? Our relationship has been surreal: like living in an alternate universe.
He holds my hand in his. His dark hands and dry callouses contrast my white skin. I look at my hands and see the small blisters I have grown around my thumbs from hand washing his clothes and my own. I think about how much I have changed in the last two years. I look into his eyes. They exhibit a raw emotion that I know so well. I know my eyes are showing the vulnerability I feel. It runs so deep that you can see it with every look I give him, everything I do when I’m around him.
‘How will we live?’ I say, afraid. A small bird flies from the top of the house to a tree.
He looks at me intently. ‘You come from a place where you can have everything. You plan everything. Even if you don’t have money, you always have access to it.’
He gestures towards the bird.
‘ You see that bird? That bird knows something that we also know. It is something you don’t know. He wakes up in the morning and knows he will find food and he will feed his children. He is not worried about tomorrow because he knows he will survive. He trusts life in a way that you and your people don’t understand.’
My heart falls. I have never known so much pain. My thoughts and feelings about everything have changed without me knowing it was happening and without my consent. In this instant I have never been so sure of something. My life will never be the same.
