The Stunning Adventures "Not all those who wander are lost." Tolkien

The Stunnings found themselves in Kunming headed for Laos.  Before entering Laos, there is a beautiful section of Yunnan province called Xishuangbanna, yearning to be explored.  They had consulted their guide book to ascertain the best way to get to the southern tip of China.  As it turns out the only direct route is to take a miserable night sleeper bus.  The sleeper buses are like big sardine cans for people,minus the cottonseed oil (usually).  According to the guide book and a second-hand account from a couple of aussies, there have been a number of drugging and thefts on buses arriving and departing from this very bus terminal, in Kunming.  After agreeing not to accept any drink offer, despite how alluring the suggested benefit of increased acquisition of Mandarin or the bestowing of deft Mahjong skills, the Stunnings, left with no options, steeled there resolve and bought a ticket. 
 
After a short taxi ride, the Stunnings made there way to the dreaded bus, the "Bus of Doom".  As they approached the bus, Elizabeth recounts that she saw the grille of the bus turn up in a smile and one of the headlights wink, in a silent threat.  The Stunnings stowed their luggage in the belly of the beast and reluctantly made there way to the last chance they had to change their minds.  Immediately upon entering, they were required to remove their shoes (clearly a technique to deter or slow their escape).  They made there way down the narrow aisle much like golf balls down a hose.  Greg slid into his berth and recounts that as he sat down the sides actually started to contract in on him.  His feeling was much akin to Han's feeling in the garbage smasher on the detention level of the Death Star.  Elizabeth also felt the squeeze as she maneuvered into her coffin-like bed.  A movie was on for all passengers viewing.  The movie was in Chinese with Chinese sub-titles (clearly a tactic to confuse and disorient the Stunnings). 
 
As the night wore on, the bus snaked it's way through dense forests and sleepy villages.  The night gave warnings of its own, sending down torrents of rain and lighting the night sky with the onimous signs that only lightning can bring.  The couple felt like Hansel and Gretel walking through the forest to the Gingerbread house and certain doom.  Shadows lurked everywhere, and stinky feet abounded.  As their eyelids started to get heavy, the Stunnings put into motion their plan to keep all their belongings safe; a last ditch effort, against all odds. Elizabeth put within easy grasp a few hand-made weapons.  She had deadly katanas (sharpened bamboo chopsticks) and Chinese throwing stars (fashioned from aluminum cans, most likely of the beer family)(85% post-consumer products were used).  She had also fashioned a mask to shield her eyes from the light and to appear as a fellow bandit; in hopes this guise would win her favor in the dark hearts of the would be belongings' beseigers. Greg also prepared his arsenal, readying his blowgun, poisonous darts (assuming hemmoroid cream is poisonous) and the world-renowned flying guillotine (Greg will never divulge its construction, even under pain of death).  Elizabeth, not having any room on her tiny so-called bed, placed her bag under Greg's bunk; hoping his intimidating physique would deter the would-be theft assassins.  Greg, playing the part of Data, booty trapped his backpack; clipping it onto his leg in close proximity to the "Feart of Darkness".  Hoping that their shiny new "knock-off" backpacks would be safe, the Stunnings tried their hands at sleep.
 
Like the unkeepable promise of "no msg" or "just look, you don't have to buy" the "sleeper" bus provided not even one wink; much less forty.  A sleepless night passed, and the Stunnings approached Jinhong.  As it turns out, as is almost always the case, the other bus occupants were just normal honest Chinese people.  The only instances of foul play were the odd rebel smoker, a bit of inappropriate gas (mostly on Greg's part), and the case of the man who unwittingly wore pajamas that matched his mattress (a huge Chinese fashion faux-pas).  In the end, the Stunnings were better safe than sorry; and they are safe and they aren't sorry.