Life at a glance

It’s yet again another early hour in the week. Still half asleep and on autopilot, I somehow manage to bring myself to a comforting look within 15 minutes. It is time to get going. Stepping out of the door and right onto my bike, I realize that it is raining, again. Was it too optimistic of me to think that after the 7th day of continuous rain, the rain would actually give in? Whispering ‘yes’ to myself I blink the thought away – after all it is the rainy Amsterdam I chose to live in. As I start setting the wheels in motion, I gather it does not matter to me anymore, at least it hasn't for the past two years. A thought lingered in my mind through the entire bike ride: I am just too happy to be bothered by things I have no control over. I park my bike, get on the train and I know that I am now happy, but it did not use to be like this. Happiness, I learned, comes at a cost.
My happiness had a price tag attached to it, which expired on October 14. That was the day on which I learned that no matter how much you plan your day (and your life for that matter), you are doing nothing but swimming against the current. I was 14 years old when I came to understand that my life would never be the same again. It was at this age when I learned that I would be labeled ‘an orphan’. Having lost both my parents, I thought I’d lost it all. Filling up my time with all sorts of [sometimes] useless activities, I found out that I needed to do something worthwhile for myself. I moved from place to place, looking for happiness.
At first I thought I’d found happiness in pursuing a career; I moved to San Francisco and Washington D.C. to only realize I was fooling myself. That was not happiness, it was an ambition. Decided to do a 180 degrees turn, I convinced myself that beach volleyball would make me happy. Why beach volleyball? Don’t ask me, I simply do not know – it felt right for a split second. I packed my bags, left my ambition and, within one month, I moved to Rio de Janeiro. This sport, in its simple form, managed to make me happy. For the second time, I thought I’d found happiness. I would lie if I said it was not happiness, but it was the type of happiness which is temporary. The type you leave behind when you leave the field.
Three years ago I moved to Amsterdam. I found my happiness. You might ask yourself where? I found it in myself, when I learned what these experiences have done to me. I realized I had not lost it all, on the contrary, I had found it all.