Before we left, life at home, in Edinburgh, was great, it was getting better each year even, we finished our University degrees, we both had good jobs, salary was steadily rising, professional qualifications and opportunities opened up, we got a nicer flat in a nicer area, we planned our wedding, we got married - amazing three weeks. We were away often, blessed with great families and an incredible group of friends to visit, conveniently dotted around the UK, Sweden and Europe. Often the same format, rush away from work on a Friday, catch a flight, sushi at the airport, arrive somewhere, have late night snacks, talk, catch up, drink too much. Wake up in the morning, hung over, spend the day wondering around, more food, more catch up, maybe a bar in the evening. Fly back on Sunday, or Monday if we both managed to steal a day's holiday. I never liked doing that though, as it ate into the holidays leaving nothing left for those longer times off in the summer or for skiing in the winter. If we weren't away people came to see us, same format, only no travelling, meant you could get a pint in with the office boys before the visitors arrived.
I didn't want to let work rule my social life, I wanted to squeeze it all in, so we carried on. Slowly I could hear it though, in conversation, thinking it whilst walking to work, when on the phone, when in the pub, when "catching up". At first it was just a whisper, at the back of my mind, then it grew louder and louder until it was always there: the BUT! Always the BUT, I heard myself say it all the time. Would love to BUT, I can't make it this week BUT, sorry I haven't been in touch BUT!
Family
- How are you?- Fine, BUT work is killing me.
Work Colleagues
- How was the weekend mate?- Excellent, great times with old friends, BUT never enough time and I feel exhausted. Wish it was the weekend again.
Friends
- Should we plan a weekend away in the hills?- Yeah, I'm really keen, BUT I'm pretty busy over the next few months.
There were always excuses and we were often tired. We needed time to catch up but always fell short, because we were trying to do too much. Ruth said we needed to go travelling to take time to smell the roses. I thought it sounded a bit romantic, but it is true, we both knew it BUT kept saying just another year, now is not a good time at work, we need a little bit more money. When I'm writing this I'm still surprised we made it. It isn't all that easy to leave 10 years of one's life behind, leaving the flat, leaving work, selling the car, packing up, sorting out storage, moving stuff, cancelling direct debits, buying tickets, getting insured, getting injected, getting prepared BUT (last one), we did do all that.
I still haven't smelt any roses but I have time to use my brain again, the BUT is slowly fading now, time is on our side, I can reflect on what the last ten years have done to me, to sit and to take in the world before me, and to most importantly, properly finish a conversation with Ruth.
So why do we travel? We travel to gain time, have time, take time, to just be... Or to not have to be, anywhere else other than where we are. We travel to escape the BUT.
