Viva La Ram

I remember telling myself not to cry. I remember thinking, "If you do, they'll think you're guilty. So, don't cry. Whatever you do, do not cry!"

The customs police, however, were making that very difficult. They kept their faces blank and their questions without intonation. They asked as if they already knew the answer- they were questioning, not asking. "Did you or did you not fill out this form?" The air was as thick with authority as superiority and when my eyes met their expressionless gaze, even I had to question my own innocence.

"I did fill out the form," I reply, struggling to match the officer's gaze. Do not cry, I repeat to myself. Don't cry, Ramille. "Okay," the officer replies with a shrug. He looks at the customs declaration form and I realize why he asked: protocol. If he finds anything in my bags worth taking, I will be deported. Or worse, stuck in another country!

The officers search through my belongings. They open zippered pockets, they look through folded clothes, inside shoes, and socks and toiletry bags and, and, and... One of the officers finds my red travel journal. What possible insight could be gained from the lessons learned while traveling? My teeth grit and my fists clench and I soon realize my fear and trepidation have turned to anger and humiliation. Embarrassment is one thing but this is something else altogether!

I allow it to continue, not wanting to disrupt their work, knowing they are performing their due diligence, and knowing the officers would find nothing because I am no criminal. (Also, knowing a return trip back to Hawaii for disorderly conduct would be just as humiliating.) I bite my tongue and file the experience under Things to Expect While Traveling Solo.

They eventually let me go but not without a raised eyebrow. The officer says, "Well, you're good to go..." He may have added "but only because we couldn't find anything" but I can't be too sure. I was in another country, celebrating my birthday, completely alone with no plans whatsoever. I wasn't going to allow that encounter to color my trip! I had bigger things to worry about, like how to hail a cab...