The next day which was supposed to comprise of us going to see the Summer temple actually ended up being a friggin around day buying all the noodles, plastic wear and earplugs Beijing had to offer, as well as watching a movie in our own room whilst we still had some sort of privacy! That night we had organised to go and see a Kung Fu show at the Red Theatre with Imogen (one of the group) which was certainly watchable but not nearly as active as we would have thought and was based on a poncy story which soon bored us. Luckily Jase waited til after the show to buy the DVD. The highlight of the show must have been when a random Chinese kid decided to pee in front of an actor who was posing for shots... the kid just went there and then!
Next day and with the rest of the group (2 from the UK, 1 Swiss and 3 Aussies) we headed to the station all geared up for our Chinese/Mongolian train ride which was to take 36 hours. The group split into the Singles and the Honeymooners which apparently worked out well as the singles clearly had different priorities such as making a bombsite of their cabin whilst us honeymooners had everything organised, packed away and reading our books. We all got to know each other over a few drinks whilst wearing the bare minimum on the train as the A/C was turned down half the time due to the cold frog of a stewardess. Jase then took it upon himself to get to know stewardess, chatting her up with lines such as “come here and I’ll give you a low dip with a bit of sugar”, going into her private cabin and fiddling with the train buttons (marked in Mongolian language) so we got some A/C over a bottle of Jim Beam. Jase’s efforts weren’t in vain as Clive took it upon himself to block the toilet (and then blame me) and without Jase’s effort who knows what would have happened. Clearly she had no idea what any of us were saying but made for an entertaining evening until midnight when we had to get off the train for the border crossing. After 2 hours on the platform we finally we allowed back on to continue on with the partying however as toilet breaks weren’t exactly planned for the 8 drunks on the train, our 2 cabins were screaming at the hostess to open the toilets and turn on the a/c. “how am I supposed to operate under these conditions” was continually chanted by Jase in-between singing Jordan Sparks song “No Air.”
The next morning, everyone was slightly hungover and very quiet but luckily we only had a few hours left before we were in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia and luckily we had enough noodles to satisfy any craving for real food. As soon as we hit UB and met our Honcho (tour guide) Chimba, we all demanded a hot shower and a decent Mongolian pub feed. That night we went to a Mongolian Cultural show and then tried to find a semi decent pub to watch the UK vs. Germany world cup match. Needless to say the 2 Brits in the group were unimpressed with the score, I think Clive nearly had a breakdown and continued to analyse the game days after, whilst most of us were watching Alan play off 2 girls against each other on the other table (far more interesting!)
The next day we headed out to a Mongolian Ger Camp where we would be staying for the next 2 nights. After STOCKING up at the supermarket (buying as much soft drink and Vodka as we could carry) we drove via a massive Genghis Khan monument situated in the middle of nowhere with a museum with an entry fee of $50! Once at the camp, Chimba had organised the afternoon activities of Horse Riding on supposedly crazy Mongolian horses. The horses we tame donkeys to be generous and the hour ride was everyone trying to get their horse to go the fastest whilst avoiding the death stares of the guides. That night we decided to have another party in the “Singles” Ger (so that our Honeymooner Ger and Mark and Lisa shoes which were neatly put away under the table next to each other, weren’t disrupted). To help get to know each other we all played “Drink Assign” (which everyone knows is my fave game) which everyone hates bar Lisa and Alan who were well on their way to being pissed. The night then continued to go downhill with several drinking games and finished when Osama Baraka, the ghost of Alan, a horny Frenchman, a boy band, a tea bagging and a severe dose of bum chaff made an appearance at the party. We wondered why the Vodkatrain Ger’s were situated behind a hill away from all the other tourist Gers.... now we know why ALAN ALAN ALAN ALAN ALAN ;-)
Waking up the next day to wild horses (not donkeys) outside the Ger was amazing and the views over the hills helped cure some of the hangovers! With little motivation and a very hungover Jase, we managed to muster up some energy to go a see a rock that looked like a turtle, do some archery and even dress up as traditional Mongolians. I think that’s all Chimba could get out of us for the day and even in the night we watched a interesting movie about Ghengis Khan which included some made Mongolian love making. That at least cheered us up enough to play a few traditional Mongolian games with sheep ankle bones.
The next morning we returned to UB for 2 more nights. The decision for the night activities was to go to Karaoke as Claudia the Swiss had never done it so we donned our nicest outfits and went out in downtown UB. The night started off fairly well and Alan and Clive aka The Professionals (who can only be described as a queer boy band) took the lead signing as many 80’s songs as they could. Everyone had a go and even a Jewish song made an appearance until the wire form the microphone fell out and the owners wouldn’t let us leave until we paid $5 to replace it. Clearly a scam as $5 wouldn’t cover the cost of a new mike but I wouldn’t tell that to 8 spice girls who were rudely interrupted whilst singing Stop! Some of us might have attempted to do a runner only to find the doors locked and being yelled at by what seemed to be the Mongolian Mafia as well as me falling down the stairs which might not have been the most covert operation! So we decided to take the party back to the hotel and on the roof outside our window where we danced the night away. Again somehow the night got slightly out of control with Imogen donning all of Clive’s clothes and the boys baring their bums only to find a surprise bout of chaff on an unsuspecting victim.
Again being hungover, tired and slightly bruised from the night before we attempted to visit the Mongolian National History museum which wasn’t the most enjoyable experience and only an all you can eat Mongolian buffet would fix us. Jase, Alan and I decided however that we would go to a viewpoint remembering the Mongolian soldiers in WW2 (cos they played such a big part in it!!??) where I decided to hold an Eagle on my arm... as you do! Although we were very hungover a Finish couple we met in Beijing met us for a few drinks, only what we had left from the party the night before as the 1st day of every month in Mongolia is Alcohol free and you can’t buy it from anywhere. So we raided as many mini bars we could find and sat on the roof in the sun recovering!
D Day had arrived (5 day/4 nights nonstop on the train) and we were all running around town frantically trying to buy as much food and drink as we could as we had heard the train food was expensive and sparse. Settling on the train was rather interesting with Mongolian women popping their heads in every 5 mins trying to shove shoes, sausages and skanky tops into our compartment. Only by slamming the door in their face did they get the message, or well that was Jase’s approach! We met 4 other Westerners on the train including 1 German who Imogen might have fallen in love with and whilst trying to woo him in his cabin (along with a Mongolian woman in there) found tens of sausages hiding behind the curtain and even jeans stuffed into his pillow and in his mattress. We had read lots about the journey from Russia to Beijing with lots of Russian Soldiers being part of the trip but nothing about Mongolian custom scams. Needing a break from all the hustle and bustle of the traders, we headed up to the dining cart and somehow order a beef stroganoff which turned out to be $25... Needless to say we didn’t head back there in a hurry! We then had our first stop and were all very excited to get some fresh air however with the mad rush of traders running through the cabin with mannequin dolls everywhere, we were totally in awe of what was going on. Hundreds of Russian women were on the platform bartering with these traders for the tackiest clothes you have ever seen.
Shortly nights turned into days and the whole trip became somewhat of a blur however some of the highlights include:
* Meeting a few kids on the train who we decided to call Genghis (10yr old Mongolian kid), mini Genghis (6 year old kid) and chubby Genghis (Jase loved scaring the fat kid!)
* Wetlands... a book that was the most disgusting read of my life and was continually referenced throughout the journey
* Watching the outsiders we met on the train try and join in on our games and totally not getting any of it
* Mark getting felt up by a Mongolian guy who whilst playing the Vegetable game continued to say “cucumber cucumber” whilst running his hand up and down Marks leg
* The girls doing their nails only to find Ghengis demanding to paint the girls nails which was then taken over by a Swiss guy who continued to invite everyone and anyone into the room to use our stuff.
* Preparing for the Dress Up party on the final night whereby the whole days stops were dedicated to finding the worst outfit you could find from the sellers for $5 as well as finding as much Vodka as we could from the shops on the platform.
* Dressing up on the final night in all the awful outfits
* Finding over 20 empty bottles of Vodka when packing up (all in the singles room I might add!! Ahahahah)
And those points aren’t even the half of it! We just had an amazing time and I think we only read 2 books as we were too busy having a blast and getting to know each other. As much fun as we did have though, we were all very over the noodles and lack of shower facilities so was pleased when we arrived in Moscow ready for the last 3 days of our trip.
As we arrived in Moscow we were greeted by our new Honcho Anastasia who for some reason had lost the driver to take us back to the hostel so after a 5 day train journey we had to wait nearly an hour before we arrived at the Hostel. Luckily we were all in the same dorm and the first thing that any of us did was have a good hot shower. Secondly we went to the nearest pasta joint and ordered as much food as we could, yes it might have been Moscow the most expensive city in the world but after 5 days of noodles nonstop, I think everyone in the group ordered a 3 course meal to make up for the lack of sustenance over the previous days. Although I think this might have caused some shock to the Honcho who had never seen anyone eat so much but also as the menus were in Russian, we demanded a lot of translation which often seemed too hard for the girl! That night we decided to hog the entire common room and watched hours of Gavin and Stacey until we fell asleep (in the 37 degree heat of Moscow!)
The next day and slightly more alive we headed out to buy Ballet tickets which again proved to be problematic as our Honcho ordered the tickets for the wrong day and to be difficult, as well as wanting to watch the footie, we stood there for over a hour whilst she fixed the problem. We then attempted to visit Lenin’s mausoleum before it shut but because of our Honcho not knowing the way, we missed the opening time. Very angry at this stupid woman, we made her show us where the Kremlin was and told her we wouldn’t be needing her for the rest of the day or the day after and to go home. After that we all could relax slightly and had a great afternoon wondering around the Kremlin and even conquered the Moscow subway, well maybe not the ticket gates but the stops at least, to get us to the River Cruise where we sat and drank warm beers for a few hours looking at the sights. We then quickly headed back to the hostel where we went out to dinner and then attempted to find a pub which was showing the semi final. Possibly not the best idea when we had no idea where we were going and it was starting to rain!
The next day was officially our last day together but lucky most of us had extended the trip a few days so most of us headed out to see Lenin again as well as St Basils Cathedral. For lunch we went to this little food court nearby where Jase and I got a Chicken kebab which looked like it would cost 80 Rubels but later found out when paying that it was 80 Rubels per 100g and we ended up paying $30 for 2 chicken kebabs! In the afternoon we all met up again and went to an Underground Cold War bunker which ended up being lots of fun and very interesting. We then had to quickly rush back as us girls had tickets for the Russian Ballet. It was really very beautiful watching it although we later found out it was the Youth Russian Ballet (ANASTASIA screwed up again) and unfortunately I don’t remember the story of Sleeping Beauty having a sexy cat and mouse scene in but us girls certainly liked watching the Male Russian dancers... who knew tights could be THAT tight! As it was Claudia’s last night, we then met up with the boys (who had a real macho night watching TV in the room with some beers) and had a few drinks to toast the past few weeks.
Wanting to learn a bit more about Russian history, the boys and I went to the Russian History museum to learn a bit more about the Cold War as well as who the hell was on which side in WW2 as not one of us could remember! Obviously we went via the biggest McDonalds ever first and then checked out this museum would have been great for tourists but unfortunately was all in Russian! That afternoon we decided to chill out and watched a few episodes of the Inbetweeners whilst saying bye to Clive and to get us in the mood for our last evening with Imogen at the local Mexican restaurant.
With only Lisa, Mark and Alan left, we headed to a local Saturday market to buy a few souvenirs including a Jewish babushka doll for Lisa’s family. Of course we stopped at the local Shiska restaurant and ordered a massive Lamb kebab which luckily was cheaper than the chicken one from the day before. We then split up and Alan, Jase and I went to see the Heavenly Christ Cathedral and a Russian version of the wharf Bar. We didn’t get to go into the Cathedral as 1. We couldn’t be bothered and 2. The boys wouldn’t have got in wearing shorts (well that’s what we like to tell ourselves) so on the way to the bar we stopped off on the bridge where we had a lock in hand whereby the tradition is to put a lock on this bridge which will bring your new marriage good luck. So after a almost photo shoot with Jase, me and this lock (thanks Alan) we continued on to the bar only to come across 5 weddings on this bridge which were so extravagant and hideous it was almost cute. One wedding in particular had the bridesmaids in luminous orange dresses (see I was kind to you Marils and Jackie as I could have made you wear those :)) after a few drinks to discuss the day’s events we went back to the hostel for a final dinner with Lisa and Mark at a local restaurant picked out by a mate of Alan’s which had heavenly food and was finished with a few more episodes of the Inbetweeners! A perfect night to end a great trip.
The last day in Moscow was fairly uneventful as we had spent way too much money and gorged ourselves on too much rich food, so in one last bid to go out on a bang and say bye to Alan we had a nice lunch to get us through the rest of the days travelling. All I can say is you can’t backpack in Moscow! Finally made it to the airport, dripping in sweat from carrying the bags in 38 degree heat and ready for our flight back to the UK which we were really looking forward to, just a shame we landed during World Cup final!
