Lili

Growing up with double cultures, I came to make this duality my own identity. I still compare the different norms of societies I was confronted to.

Moving to Canada in my teenage years provoked a cultural clash. Going back to the country I was born unveils another cultural shock. I’ll never feel that I completely belong to any of those cultures.

I have my grandmother’s example. She led a life to serve others. On her stretched legs and bent back lays the reality of a woman with a venerable age. She is from another country, another era and another world.

She didn’t understand how it was possible for me to wear ripped jeans, wondering why I couldn’t afford proper pants in Canada. I won’t bother talking about fashion and trends, when she must only own one or two traditional dresses.

The kitchen is her whole universe. Her food is, to date, the best I’ve ever eaten. I am talking about real food (called “organic” in the West, which is still as tasteless as any North American food). There I find again the flavors and scents of my childhood.

She repeats the same tasks, everyday. She doesn’t have – and doesn’t want – holidays, vacations, weekends... She wouldn’t even accept a helping hand for washing dishes. Getting her first washing machine was quite a revolution for her.

She prays five times a day. She contributed to the logical relationship I have with religion, which is banal to me and it should remain along this line.

She is illiterate. She only speaks our regional language. She learned a few French words with us. Yet, she’s always pushed me to study, hoping I would become a doctor. Unfortunately, I was not that studious.

She sleeps on her own bed, which contrasts with my grandfather’s room, having the biggest bed. This is only natural to them.

There’s a huge gap dividing us. Yet, I need to recall my grandmother, to know where I come from. Women are the pillars of society, the culture carriers. They can share the stories of our ancestors.

Here I am, a career-minded Master degree graduate, having my own challenges: trying to fit in, to belong, looking for my references. A young woman whose gratification models were not innate but adopted. I was revolted by many situations that I have personally experienced or witnessed. This made me success driven.

I feel like my grandmother is aware that her life is one of transition and sacrifice. I could have had my grandmother’s life, as we have no choice to where, when and with whom we come to this world.