The travel bug has no cure, yet I can't think of a better illness to have.

China

1) You will love it here. You will hate being here for the first 3 months, but you will grow to love it. You will start to pick up every single mannerism that once annoyed you. Clap for yourself. The transformation is almost complete.

2) After being here for more than 6 months, you will no longer care to befriend every foreigner you see, in fact, you’ll walk right past them and start muttering in mandarin to yourself. "look at that lazy foreigner, fat and unlearned in my adopted mother tongue".

3) Rice, noodles and tea are your friends.

4) Your female colleagues wonder why you are 24 with no boyfriend or husband.

5) You will be given a Chinese name.

6) You will be rejected from every single mosque if you’re not muslim. Don’t even bother donning a hijab, burqa, niqab or whatever you attribute with “muslim dress” to fool them, you little liar.

7) People will probably touch your skin (if you’re black)

8) People will probably stroke your hair (if you’re black)

9) People will probably shout “African!” at you (if you’re black)

10) You will be charged 3 times more than a Chinese person in markets and taxis.

11) Haggle haggle haggle.

12) Ignore those who say learning Chinese characters (writing) isn’t important. The fools! The infidels!

13) People stare and point, even the dogs. Get used to it.

14) You will get lost and cry a little.

15) A group of women will salsa dance on the streets at 10pm.

16) Noone waits for you to come off the tube. Noone.

17) People will sneak pictures of you, then giggle hysterically. This is an art they have perfected.

18) What do you mean you’re “black and born in England”? You were born in America or Africa ok!

19) Men expose their rounded bellies in the heat. Their T-shirt will resemble a crop-top with baggy arms.

20) There is no space to dance in Chinese clubs. You’ll also develop tinnitus.

21) It is common to see 3 people on one motor-bike. Baby, daddy and mummy. Thug life.

22) KTV unofficially provide a night's lodging in their small rooms for foreigners who have lost their keys, money and dignity.

23) People spit everywhere. The ones that burst from their soul and up out their trachea. You will never get used to it.

24) Taxi drivers smoke in their taxis. Complain at the risk of having your fare tripled.

25) Babies may cry when they see you.

26) Chinese friends invite you to their houses, feed you and give you gifts. Friends worth keeping.