Take heed for as the cold winter draws near I must once again leave these lands for perhaps our most ambitious journey to date. In one month from now I will once again journey to Asian lands making my way to the elusive New Zealand before flying to the USA. As the passage of time catches up to me I must then contemplate hanging up my travelling boots as I make it to the end of the road.
Our journey started way back in 2008 when we left for South Korea as unruly youths fresh out of university. During that time we have dwelt in some incredible places but have also been forced to succumb to the will of life's most horrific humans in order to save the money for our journey. The battle has been long and hard, particularly this year past but ultimately we have succeeded in our aim to see as much of the earth as we can before settling into a life of servitude.
Throughout this time I have often been questioned as to what I want to do with my life, the brainwashing tribes of men have spoken of careers, pensions and mortgages weakening my resolve and at times forcing me to consider options I never thought possible I.e. Refusing to continue my journey into enlightenment. I must confess that I fell into shadow, a confused and desperate man looking to the career lords for wisdom and hope. I considered joining the masses of people whose happiness is tied up in work and iPhones. I nearly lost myself, but alas help came from the most unlikely source.
This past year and a half I have once again worked within the hospitality industry dwelling in places such as Bath, Loch Lomond, Northumberland and The Midlands. Once again I was forced to work alongside life's demons but ulitmately it was these jobsworths who helped me to see the light. These folk who reside in the very depths of hospitality hell caused me to wield my vicious tongue in a flurry of home truths and awoke me from my own slumber.
After returning abruptly from Australia, both Anna and I were able to find a management couples position down in the old Roman Kingdom of Bath. The journey was full of hope and after arriving at our destination we both instantly fell in love with the pub. The landlord promised us the very earth, moon and stars in what ultimately became a tale of lies and deceit. Along with his side kick a young girl of 20 years (who must have had relatives in the ancient dwarf kingdoms given her size), offered us a potential house on the river and eventual full control of the pub as they planned to move to Australia. However their planned departure went from one year to three and then seemed to not be happening at all. Furthermore we came to the realisation that the landlord was forcing us to work all the hours under the sun with no breaks in order to take advantage of the fact we were on salary.
After two months or so things began to deteriorate. The landlord went to Australia for one month in which time we were allegedly given control of the pub. However what we didn't expect was that his sidekick would be left behind and watching us despite not working there anymore. Brainwashed by jealously, that we had ultimately taken her job and done it better; she decided to try and sabotage our efforts. Reporting incidents to the landlord which were ultimately fiction, not allowing us to change the rota, asking us for one shift a week but then not turning up and leaving us short.
Eventually I decided to take matters into my own hands and thus I told her that she would no longer be on the rota as we needed someone who would reliably turn up and work. This led to a web of lies in which she complaind to the landlord that we just didn't like her and so forth. Then when she did decide to turn up I pulled one of her own tricks telling her it was quiet and therefore I was going home, leaving her to clean up. It was like witnessing the transformation of human to vampire, the venomous words she spat at me were barely audible and I walked out to a tirade of abuse.
The landlord returned from Australia and immediately Anna and I found ourselves working at another one of his pubs up the road. Supposedly this was for training purposes but then he began to hire staff without telling us and my suspicions grew. I became angry and decided to challenge him in regards to our contract and hours. I realised that he was forcing us to work more than our contracted hours and therefore owed us money. I demanded to see my statement of earnings and the usually calm demeanour of our landlord changed and was replaced by something almost inhuman.
The ugly beast finally reared its head and I realised what we had been dealing with all this time. Ultimately he was panicking because he knew I was right and he caused a mass scene in front of customers demanding to speak to me and Anna. I explained that I just wanted to see my contract and statement of earnings which should have been given to us months ago. Like a boxer on the ropes the landlord threatened us and tried to brain wash us into believing that not having a contract was for our benefit. He threatened to force us into signing one but when I showed no signs of relenting he started offering us double the amount of holiday pay we were owed. Suffice to say our time in Bath was over.
After leaving Bath we believed that we would be hard pushed to find anything worse but alas my friends once again we were wrong. We had decided to take a job as a management couple in a forsaken land in The Midlands. It was a desolate place and the local town of rugby made Sunderland seem like Las Vegas. Walking through the central street was like a scene out of the walking dead, Zombies with carrier bags and track suits. The only positive thing I could say about the Midlands is to thank the Lord I wasn't born there. Initially I had my reservations about taking the job but Anna was swayed by the prospect of a free flat and therefore we accepted the offer.
The place itself was a wedding venue and once again we found that the owners were only interested in taking advantage. I honestly believe that this particular couple were clinically insane for their demands defied logic. They expected us to work from 7am on a Friday until 2am Saturday morning. Then we had to get up again at 7am on the Saturday and once again work through till 2am the next day and then finally work from 7am til 3pm on the Sunday. Not only that but during the week we worked to set the venue up. Our only day off we were expected to get up at seven to allow the bin man to enter. These types of hours would take the heart of any man but what they actually did was start to reawaken my slumbering soul to the prospect of travelling.
I began to feel like I was in a prison and every part of me wanted to leave but Anna was intent on saving money for our own eventual business and didn't want to move on without another job in place. Despite my despair I agreed and carried on. The months following are of darkness and despair and I would ask you not to read on if you easily lose hope for it is a forlorn tale.
The hours got worse but not only that the owners would send us constant text messages and emails reprimanding us for stuff that didn't make sense. They would spend their days watching the staff on camera and demand that we send them photos of how we set up breakfast despite having done it a hundred times. They would constantly hassle staff during functions from the luxury of their own home as they spent their Saturday nights not watching DVDs like most people but watching the cameras. A light would go out and immediately there would be a phone call, a chair cover would blow off and their would be a phone call, a glass left on the table and things of small consequence would always result in a constant barrage of texts and emails. It didn't matter how well the event went it was never good enough. It got to the point where I had to text back and tell them to back off as I was trying to work.
The rest of the staff lived in fear of the wrath of Matt and Clare. They would drive into the car park and immediately everyone would flap as if the queen was turning up. Then they would enter and immediately moan and complain. In some cases Clare would burst into a tirade of expletives and abuse because someone had put a napkin on the wrong shelf. It was obvious to me that they were unstable and I tried in vain to convince Anna that none of this was worth a free flat. They were quite possibly the most awful people I have ever met and I often wondered whether I would be better off returning to Sunderland where people were normal. I don't understand where these creatures come from but what I realised was that the main reason behind their transformation from human to demon was money. The root of all evil and what ultimately turns people into human freaks. It's an obsession which has been prevalent in all of my previous jobs and what ultimately clouds people's judgement on the real values of life. Fair enough they may have a nice car, a nice house and the latest iPhone but they are still miserable as sin and totally insane. I came to the realisation that the happiest people I had seen were those in the poorest communities of Laos and India and there was literally no need for me to continue going through this. I realised that I was sick to death of people telling me what I should be doing and worrying about and I slowly started to turn my head back to freedom.
The trip to Loch Lomond completed my transformation. As we drove through some of the most stunning terrain I have ever seen all the senses I thought were lost came to the surface. I began to appreciate nature and the outdoors once again. I went back to being a standard member of a hospitality team whilst living in a foreign paradise and although I had to put up with the same sort of politics I was able to switch off and go walking in a forbidden wilderness surrounded only by hills and water. The only threat came from the millionaire owner who sat at the bar getting drunk everyday, constantly picking on staff. His attempts to do this to me ultimately failed. After what I had put up with during the last few months I decided there and then to put him in his place and suddenly I was getting offered management jobs and he started trying to act like my best friend.
Scotland was the only place where I was able to return with good memories and meet like minded people. It reminded me of my days working in Australia and ultimately it was Scotland which also reawakened the traveller in Anna and after two months in this environment our trip around the world was booked. Unfortunately like most jobs in a remote location there is a honeymoon period which will come to an end. The jobsworths are not to be destroyed and eventually there voices become louder and more irritating. This caused a huge staff turnover and many off my friends had came and gone until eventually my own tribes disbanded and only two of us remained along with Anna. The weather grew colder, winter was coming and rather than sacrifice my memories of Scotland I decided to get out while I could knowing that I had a trip to look forward to.
Given that we were going away we decided to look for work closer to home and were amazed to find that a place in Northumberland would not only offer us the job but would also accommodate our trip in order to have us back for the new season. This sounded Ideal but given our recent experience the only thing I heard was alarm bells. Like a hunter of demons, my skills have been refined and I am like the blade of the hospitality world. I knew it wasn't right for me but Anna seemed desperate to live in Northumberland and given that it was two months until the trip I decided to give it a go. I am now squatting in a living room (which is supposedly temporary), in a place where a member of staff believes that it's ok to put her TV on full blast until 3am. I am not sure whether she is deaf or if she is just hoping that her husband in Romania can hear it from over there, but either way it's enough to drive even the most calm folk to madness. Add to that the fact that her and her Romanian compatriot each with the most annoying voices known to mankind speak to each other outside our bedroom (sorry, living room) as loud as humanly possible at 1am. Even though I know the perpetrators I am often thrown into confusion as one of them has the most high pitched voice in the history of the world and the other is very deep, like a sultry Romanian man of Middle age. It's almost like the strange case of Jekyll and Hyde and as I lie there in bed I often wonder whether we are getting robbed by a shrill pixie and monotone goblin combination. They are clearly shapeshifters.
In terms of the working environment I am almost certain that the chef is a potential murderer who only communicates in grunts and whistles and the owner who looks like the maniac out of Saw 1, rides around on this one wheeled scooter with a basket due to arthritis. These are possibly the strangest bunch of people I have ever met. Possibly the worst of all however is the head gardener and daughter of the owner who wears a tweed hat and speaks to everyone like they are aliens from a hidden realm. This creature forces people to do the back breaking jobs only to be found later eating or messing around on Facebook. None of this would be half as upsetting if she didn't wear this horrendous tweed hat and look like a garden Gnome. Suffice to say we won't be returning.
It's now one month until we fly into the Indian realms of men and I suppose the question people will ask is has it been worth it? And hast thou not had enough? Is it not time to settle, buy a house, be a city dweller, live for the weekend, live for X Factor and the release of the latest smart phone? Given that the next few months will be spent on tropical beaches, exotic jungles, New York bars and quite literally travelling the lengths of the world I will leave that for the people to decide. Ultimately though you can keep your pensions, you can keep your new car and you can keep your smart phone because I am going to India. . .
