I always knew that bicycles were used in holland, i just didn't realise that bikes are essential, practically obligatory, in the dangerous tournament that is daily life in amsterdam.
My godmother should be pleased to know that her patronage is the reason for my newfound sense of belonging in this city, with the purchase of a ripper second hand bike i have called 'beatrix'; because i like the idea that god might save her, even if i do something stupid.
Otherwise I have a few other dutchification techniques
1. Consume drop with expression of extreme satisfaction in public
(drop = salty licorice, which eating is like inhaling an ocean)
2. Frequently. Punctuate. Sentences. all the dutch, and especially the females, i have met are extremely to the point
3. Grow taller, lankier, and more blond hair (yes the stereotype of the beautiful dutchperson is true! still trying to coordinate this one)
4. Be more liberal, find coffee beyond the coffeeshop, marry another woman for fun, change to male genetalia, oh and forget trying to design handrails...
(this list is exhaustive, i'll stop)
