Mel in a Nutshell

By the grace of good-fairies, glitches in the matrix and other such things, I've finally made it to Bangkok in one horribly harrowed piece.

This trip has made me quite certain that I must have committed countless demon-tricks and crimes against humanity in my former lives because that's the only logical explanation I can come up with for the past 24 hours and the fact that they make Lemony Snicket's seem like a scene out of Mary Poppins.

Most comical of my hiccoughs, slip-ups and SNAFU's, was being so delayed that my first flight was still taxi-ing into Dubai 5 minutes AFTER my flight to Bangkok had started boarding at some unspecified gate. And so because Murphy is the most mercurial of all the Rumple-evil-whims, he and his Law would of course see to it that my gate was on THE OPPOSITE side of the Pangaea that is Dubai International Airport.

What followed was the most mad of a dash that would surely have put Macaulay and the rest of the McCalisters to a particular shame.
Jelly-legged and jumpy, I took care not to trip over my dignity which was now splattered all over the DIA floor and muddled my miserable way to my seat.

Just as a tingle of relief started to inch it's way back into my still rapidly palpitating pulmonaries, I realise that someone is already sitting in it!

The couple explained that they would be overjoyed if regardless of the fact that it had been less than 10 minutes since I'd disembarked from my almost 10 hour flight, if I could swop my spacious aisle seat for one between a “Smells Funny” and “Mr Muffin Top”.

I didn't hesitate for a moment. I said NO, and liked it.

I sat through 6 hours of this lady shooting longing looks at her lad else giving me the stink eye, but my elephantitis-free limbs maintain that it was SO worth it.

Though hardly the perfect start to my trip, the fact is that I’ll never forget my introduction to the wondrous world of travel and all that I learned as a result:

1. Be sure to leave a ton of wiggle room between connecting flights especially if that airport happens to be the size of a small state.

2. Always pack some wet wipes and a tiny deodorant. Forget my Usain Bolt moment, it turns out that even just sitting around for hours is enough to make "your roses really smell like pooh-oo-ooo".

3. Don’t be afraid to say no. Now while I’m not advocating being a jerk, every once in a while a little self-preservation is definitely justified, especially in the case of salvaging traumatised body parts... ;)