Like many westerners, I proceeded to more embark on my spiritual quest, to understand my purpose in life, as I embarked on a journey through Australia- (my home country) which then lead me to a flight out to India, I decided it was there I would spend my next 6 months, I was told that I would have many moments I would long to be home, but I heard my israli friend words often imbedded in my mind ' just stay the entire time' he would say - and I did, I survived, tramped foot in most of the country side, jumped on over night trains, four wheel drives and community buses, this was not your average trip, and not for the avergae hearted, nothing prepared me quite like a trip to india, numerous moments of sleeping abroad, at the airport or on the treacherous train floor, I was a homeless wreck, suffering a prolonged head injury of which I recieved shortley before leaving Australia; ( in a car accident) I wasnt sure if i had really even woke up, I can now look back and wonder, was I even awake, India was like a manifested, busy dream, all in all - spiritually leading or being lead so to speak, in which I simply joined the crowds and walked, never knew where I was actually going, or afraid, I was led in all uncertainties, completlety loosing myself, and my identity into the unknown prosperous lives that fled themsleves my way, in desperate measures, I became their safety net of hope, but what about me? where was 'I' in all this mess, a truthseeker, longing to find every answer in the book, not to know where it could take me, the dangers, or that an open heart can lead to many disadvantaged places,
Naive, I walked down shadowed lanes, nothing but a cloth covered my gains, tormeneted and abused, Indian men would often stare in aur, and ask many questions, I was sick, and yet they stuill wandered, I wasn't an alien, and yet they seemed to dehumanize me with their glances as it sow, there was so much risk in my adventure, that I didn't see, and my openess of enchantered dreams seemed to mezmarise, and stroke the ego of many, I was hidden many a times, the emotions that seemed painted on my face 'you look sad' they would often say, confused? Yes, most certainly,
ofcourse walking through a bomb threat, rubbish, smells- strong, violated bodys manipulated themselves to the side walk begging for spare rupees, it was reality, not painted glory, but poverty, smiles painted on their faces, only that I had come from what I consider rich - clean, healthy living, living in the body where organic foods and vedic medicine my temple,
I was to relapse, shoot out and become someone that I was the entire time, reminded constantly that I had Ego, and what I wouldn't give to shed it, take it away so that I was known to be 'enlightened' well wasnt that a treat!
'Enlightenment' what I wouldn't do, only to find that bricks to water, water to bricks, low and behold a realisation, stupididty.
Really
Awakening was my third degree, and I left with complete guruness and wisdom?! if any of that made sense,
I was torn into 2, my body was still in Mcloed Gangj, and I was given a name, now that I held such priority, I walked like an archangel leaving the nest, I knew now. And I was so excited to go home, and Be, exposed, I would Be my archangel name and my shanti toes, and teach and show how.
Well, none of that mattered in which I was lost, and it seemed everyone else was found, I had certainly found myself to a level, and now I was confused;
Where I was or who I was did not matter, I was to obey, and re conform to this thing called life, nothing for free, working with our exterior self. Not the kind that matters from the heart, as an India would say, kind and gentle,
Money was the only, and I had left it for so long.
Struggling to survive now and hold down a job, I felt compelled to maintain such levels of devotion and worship. This had been my acts, ceremony. Ceremony was placed high on cards, and yet here, is wasnt practiced, back in Australia I was drowning. No one could understand that I didnt live here anymore, and in fact I was merely my body returning, "I came back" I said, just because I wanted to tell the story! "what story", "what are you talking about? my parents didnt seem to understand, The story for me, was just that, I had created such drama, had seen so much, that now I question - was it all just a dream.... Its been a year now and I feel none the wiser, like I never left. OH THE GLORY...
INDIA
