Globe trotting idiot

Egypt: the gateway to an ancient period of architectural and artistic prosperity. It is also the gateway to lost luggage, stomach upsets and traffic congestion.

The two words that sprung to mind when driving through Cairo towards our hotel were 'dirty' and 'congested'. Like a bad flu, Cairo’s first impression screamed festering pit of bacteria and pollution. I now like to think of it as a pulsating mass of energy, it’s more positive. The tour begun with being greeted by our tour guide Rafik, a 50 – something balding Egyptian man, who had lived in Australia for 20 years. Throughout the tour we spent a lot of time on our tour bus and saw many beautiful sights specific to the characteristics of Egypt. These included a dead horse on the side of the freeway, road side garbage bonfires and cattle tethered together blissfully unaware of their approaching slaughter. It’s a miracle that I actually saw any of these sights as I would spend most of the bus ride staring at Rafik through the rear–view mirror. Yes, I had fallen into a crazy infatuation with my balding 50– something Egyptian tour guide, Rafik. I loved everything about him – his awkward smile, his receding hairline that was neatly combed back, his cologne and his colourful polo T– shirts. I convinced myself that I would move to Egypt for Rafik and we would have a little Egyptian baby. And that was the point where I knew I had finally gone bat–shit crazy. The minutes filled with infatuation turned into hours and these hours turned into stomach churning days. However I was not love sick, I had finally experienced Egyptian belly from the water. Nausea combined with being contained on a cruise ship is never a good mix and I spent a whole day feeling like death whilst I slept on my bed made of lice. Rafik did sort me out with a magic pill. The pills he gave had a clogging effect. I think those pills may have had some kind of hallucinogenic effect as I woke from sleeping to what appeared to be Rafik squatting on top of a cupboard. After a week of unbearable infatuation and strange bodily functions it was time to leave. So I went to the airport unnecessarily early yet the queue was huge and mirrored the roads in Egypt – there is no line you just find a space and push. With that little frustration I soon realised that I was infact ready to leave Egypt and enjoy the comforts of the western world--you can take the girl out of the city but can't take the city out of the girl.