Well hello readers. It has been some time since our last communication, so expect a lengthy round of laughter. After our last blog we have been to Emei, Chengdu and now BEIJING.
This is what we did...
1. Got an overnight train to Emei town. On the train we met a boy called Clive. He doesnt know his name is Clive as he doesnt speak English. He climbed onto Laurens bunk and watched as she threw up into a bag. Four times.
2. Had a covert operation trying to get aforementioned bags of vom to a disposal point without attracting too much attention. This involved concealing them inside a rucksack, tied the correct way up, and then a two person hand-it-down job to get the precious cargo down from the middle bunk. Clive knew. Clever Clive.
3. Arrived in Emei to general chaos as it turned out the OLYMPIC TORCH RELAY was coming in the morning. Excellent news as this was it put a bit of a dampner on finding a roof. Accidentally tried to check into the official torch bearer hostel, after escaping a man who wanted us to walk 10k to his cheap accomodation. The police politely informed us we were not welcome at the olympic torch bearers official hotel.
4. Met some olympic torch bearers outside the hotel! And then they gave us a lift to a hotel and helped us check in. What a claim to fame.
5. Dressed up like total idiots (feel free to insert a different word depending on how old and proper you are) in olympic tat, consisting of 10 flags and 2 headbands. Set off at 7am to see the torch in action!
6. Uh oh. Apparently did not have correct official sticker.
7. Broke in with crowd of chinese peasents. Totally incognito in flags and headbands.
8. Saw torch.
9. Attempted to cross the parade road. Made it to the other side but couldnt get over the barrier - began walking the wrong way up the torch route on the road.
10. Realised the street was still lined with Chinese - what were they cheering?! Oh god. It was us. Waved flags, chanted EN-GER-LAND, and made it about half a mile. Were escorted off by police.
11. Got a bus up a mountain to escape acquired fan base of chinese teenagers.
12. Realised we had to walk back down. Managed about 3 miles in the rain, then slept in a homestay on Emei Shan (the mountain). Home is an overstatement. It was a corrugated metal and wood shelter, perched precariously on a cliff face, in a thunderstorm. Good rice though.
13. Went on a murderous rampage with a map (NO SCALE!) and created a defecit in the mosquito world population.
14. Awoke at 5:45 (thats am..) and climbed down the mountain for 6 hours. Bitched and moaned every step of the way. Becca nearly died. And got a muddy arse. Lauren nearly herniated as becca hurtled past her on the way to almost certain coma/doom/broken ankle.
15. Met monkeys. If you gave the women with sticks money they became gentle beasts and you were allowed to interact with them. If you didnt pay them every monkey was a raging ball of fur and it was their stoic duty to swipe at every one that even looked your way. Didnt pay.
16. Walked past people being carried down the mountain in chairs. Felt proud of ourselves. Glared at lazy people.
17. Got a bus to Chengdu, which was showing Lake Placid. WE HAVE TO SEE THE END! What happens to the man we know only as 'Fat Friend Eating Buns'? Does he die? He must do! Hes ginger!
18. Arrived at Sims Cozy Garden Hostel (NB: Best hostel in the world, ever). It was raining. Walked to see the giant Mao statue. Tried to hide from the rain in McDonalds. Ate a burger. Requeued. Ate icecream. And large fries. Got a taxi back.
19. Met some world challenge people including 'awful girl', a 16y old chav, with a vodka and coke and poor attention to grammar.
20. Woke up the next day to find we were cripples who would never walk again.
21. Met Jo and Sarah, two highly like-minded souls - went to an Irish Bar. Met a guy called London. Drank beer. Drank cocktails. Played the Grease Megamix. Got given free t-shirts.
22. Lauren proposed to taxi driver called (probably) Noel Edmunds.
23. Woke up at crack of down to see the Pandas in the sanctuary. Admired their form and grace, as Jo threw up in a bush behind us.
24. Gave Sim and Maki a hand with the grammar in a pamphlet on the SiChuan earthquake. Happy grammar Nazis worked for an hour for 2 more free t-shirts and a glowing feeling of superiority.
25. Next day - Last day in Chengdu - morning was spend at the 'Tiny Museum of Mao Memerobilia'. It was VERY tiny and full of phlegm from the tiny hacking Mr Wang. Feet stuck to the floor like in Raz. But we werent drunk. So it mattered.
26. Went to the Park. A happy amusement arcade to pass the sunny afternoon? NO. Went down into an air-raid shelter which had been converted into a house of horrors. It really was horrific. There was lots of screaming and clutching and exclamations (he's WANKING!). Just as an aside, he wasnt.
27. Opening ceremony at the hostel on a screen. Hand tried to find facepaints earlier without success, even with Gods help. Bought felt tip pens instead. Drew olympic rings on face. Really big olympic rings. Really big, fairly unwashable olympic rings.
28. Sat next to a man getting more and more drunk and muttering about Tibet.
29. Cheered the UK. Nearly passed out with boredom at the other 200+ countries. Watched the torch lighting with a mixture of amusement and confusion.
30. Plane to Beijing!! Sat next to a man wearing leather trousers. Its 31 degrees. Sweaty.
31. WE HAVE OUR TICKETS TO THE WEIGHTLIFTING!! No thanks to really really thick taxi man who needs to be put down for his mothers sake.
32. Shopped!! And walked down a road which reminded us of a cross between disneyland and a jew ghetto. You had to be there.
So tomorrow we see the olympics. Cant wait! And the rings are still there...
Lots of Love,
Till next time,
Lauren and Becca
