if i were a travel writer... i'd write of places near or far... of places i've arrived to by plane, bus, train or car... and along the way, i'll take some photos... and so, here my story goes...

So, I left the internet cafe just over an hour ago, thinking to myself what a hollow email I had sent out to you all. I thought perhaps I got caught up in the city of Antigua and the wedding weekend and wasn´t spending the time journaling and reflecting on my experiences... or maybe it´s because Jeremy walked into the internet cafe and distracted me. But that sort of thing happens. It happens so much back home, that I guess it´s natural - Guatemala feeling so much like home - to happen here. So, I missed my bus. I got totally confused with my 9am bus on Wednesday to the airport and thought that today´s bus left at 9am, but really... it left at 7:30am. So, after standing outside Kafka waiting for my bus around 9:05am, I decided to take a look at my ticket, and realized my mistake. This whole mix-up probably doesn´t even surprise most of you, knowing me like you do. Anyway, I went over to the turismo office where I purchased my ticket and the guy pretty much said, (in Spanish), ¨well, that sucks... and it sucks for me to because I´m out of (whatever amount of) quetzal too.¨ I asked him if there was ANYWHERE else I could go for a night, and he was like - ¨no, all buses for ANYWHERE in Guatemala leave at the latest, 8am.¨ Thanks hombre. So, I walk to another oficina del turismo and explain that me perdí the bus to Rio Dulce and I really want to go somewhere other than Antigua for the night since I leave on Wednesday... and is there ANYWHERE not to far away that I can get to TODAY. And we come up with Pana - and for a second I think, ¨Hey, I can go back to San Marcos for a night.¨ I swear, the energy vortex of the world was calling me back. But then I saw a ray of light... of hope... (okay, I´m exaggerating)... but I saw that there was a 1pm bus to Rio Dulce!!! Sure, it arrives there around 6pm, but still, I´ll get there. So, I lost the Q225 that I originally paid for the 7:30am trip and paid another Q125. (I knew that first guy was ripping me off!) And now I´m pretty much all out of quetzal. But hopefully, not out of dollars in my bank. So, time. I haven´t read much more of The Power of Now, but in reading just the first 3 chapters, there is a lot of discussion about time. And how the only moment that exists is what is happening at this very moment. And the past was a moment that happened in the Now... and the future is a moment that will happen in the Now. And so, the Now is the only moment that really matters. And yesterday, on the ride back from the Pacaya Volcano, as my mind started to wander to the past and the future, I realized it was the first time I really have done that since I have been here. And that´s odd for me, someone who is usually thinking about what happened in the past and how it could be different, and how that would affect the future and how I... blah, blah, blah. It seems to have happened somewhere at the Lake, when I just allowed myself to be. And that´s also when I lost track of the time, and the days, and the week that has passed. I was shocked to learn that today was April 14 - it could have been March or June for all I know. And as we know from me missing my bus this morning, I have absolutely no concept of time here, which you may think is not unlike back home. But it´s different. And it´s not even like the experiences I have had being on vacation before, when you´re sitting on a beach or exploring ruins and churches - yes, vacation is usually always associated with escaping the rigid time frames and responsibilites that we have in our daily, normal lives. But, Guatemala, for me, doesn´t feel like it´s some escape. I didn´t realize it at the time, although I think some of you realized it as you were reading my emails, but something happened in me while I was here. And it´s something that has been stirring within me since I had my ¨you´re-turning-28-what-are-you-doing-with-your-life-crisis¨ about two months ago. I hate to bring it back to my vision board, but in all honesty, that overwhelming collage of photos and quotes, is really making a lot of sense to me right now. Walking down the street, with a tote bag I borrowed from Kate, filled with clothes and ¨stuff¨ for my overnight trip to Rio Dulce, I thought how nice to just have that - that tote bag, filled with the things I needed. There was a Swedish girl who shared the room with me last night. She left this morning at 3am for a flight back home after being in Guatemala for one year. She had one backpack, a smaller duffel bag and a little plastic bag. And she thought it was too much. I showed her my bag and had her guess how long my stay was in Guatemala. Ridiculous. But she learned to let go, she said. To let go of ¨things,¨ that she realized just didn´t matter in the grand scheme of things. And I bet she was no more than 20 years old. But that´s what traveling does, at least traveling like these young backpackers are doing. It just puts a lot of ¨things¨ in perspective, that for someone who isn´t on that type of journey through life, it may take years - even a lifetime, to realize, that some things just don´t matter. I´m letting go of control - yoga at los Piramades, sleeping on a hammock during a thunderstorm, rebalancing the energy within me through an exercise as simple as uncurling my ears (ask me for a demonstration when I get home), even the act of throwing up on Friday night in San Pedro was letting go of having some control in my life. I realize how tense my stomach is on a daily basis and I consciously have to let go of that tension and the sense that I do have some control in this life. Because I don´t, I know I don´t. I can control my thoughts, which control my feelings (or maybe sometimes, the other way around), but I realize that some things are just meant to happen. I was meant to pass Happy Tacos that day, which led me to the Animal Clinic... It was meant to rain on Kate´s wedding day... and I´d like to think that I was meant to miss that 7:30am bus, for whatever reason. I attached some photographs that I took for the wedding and the few that I have with Kate and myself. The funny thing about traveling solo, is that you rarely have photos of you. It´s like people could wonder if you were actually even there. Trust me, I was. But most of the time, it´s more fun for me to be on the other side of the camera. I wish I had my photos from the volcano on CD already. There were these amazing horses that were practically posing for pictures as we came up on the hill overlooking a sun that was about to set. Anyway, I hope you can view the attached photos and begin to realize the beauty of this place. But I don´t even think the pictures can capture it fully.