Lingua Pangea

It all started on a safari ride in Africa…

You’re probably thinking, “What does a safari ride have to do with poop?!”

I was on a volunteer trip in Swaziland the summer before I started high school. To liven the quiet nights, my roommates and I decided we needed to pull some pranks on the boys next door. It wasn’t necessarily to teach them a lesson, but as a way to give us something to do.

We tried with a loud African chant session in our room. I guess the tribal drums we bought at the roadside market weren’t loud enough. We also zipped each other up in our huge suitcases and ran down the outdoor sidewalk with them. I still wonder if I can fit in a suitcase. My friend Elisabeth also made us sing “My Country, ‘tis of Thee” every night before bed. By that time, they thought we were crazy.

So we resorted to the most extreme idea.

Elisabeth was the leader of these pranks and told us to finish a bag of dried prunes during the safari ride. They weren’t my favorite fruit, but I ate them anyways because I was in a good mood from seeing so many zebras and giraffes. Our prank was still a secret, so everybody in our safari truck was wondering why E was making us eat so many prunes. And while we were still on the safari, I almost shit my pants when an elephant (with tusks!) charged straight towards me while the truck was off! The elephant was not even three feet away when the driver got the car going. I’ve had some crazy near death experiences, but in that moment I saw my life flash before my eyes. But hey, it’s not everyday you have an elephant running right at you! Back to the story…

When we got back to the retreat, it’s safe enough to say we all wanted to go to the bathroom really bad but held it for the sake of the mission. We ate dinner fast, and ran to the guys room before they finished their meal. The plan was to each drop a deuce. One after another without flushing the toilet. And while each person did their business, the others would do other small pranks in the guys’ main room. We tp’d the room, sprayed cologne on their pillows, and messed up their beds. It was grand.

The work all paid off when we got to hear the reaction. We hid in our room really quiet and secret. We could hear the guys enter their room all normal and cheerful, and then seconds later hear “WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SMELL? OH MY GOSH! IT SMELLS LIKE DEATH IN HERE!” We burst out laughing; especially when we found out the toilet was plugged!

And guys think girls don’t poop. Ha!