Why you don't get into situations involving Italian police

It must have been a slow day for the Palermo Carabinieri when I stepped into their headquarters.

"So, you were on the middle of the bus?"
"Yes, the middle of the bus."
"Your phone got stolen on the middle of the bus?"
"Yes! The middle of the bus!"

The chief was sitting down in his chair in front of what looked like a prehistoric computer typing away while the translator was standing next to him. His shirt tucked into his pants, his hands on his waist, his gun holster purposely showing from inside his jeans (that were two sizes too small for him). I wondered whether he was trying to impress me or scare me? The desk was filled with papers and behind them was another low lying cabinet with even more papers - do they even work? Why are there so many papers?

My travel friend Jen came with me as her grasp of the Italian language is more advanced than mine. All I can say is hello, bye, let's go, thank you, please and I would like to order food (which I deem to be pretty important in a country with oh so many culinary delights).

What started off as something I thought would be a simple conversation with two Italian men turned into Jen sitting next to me trying to contain her laughter, all of the other police officers in the door way, one saying "importante" (I know what that means in Italian, for example give me food its importante!) as he put down a CD on the tower of papers whilst leaning over staring at us, another man helping with translating on T-Rex the computer, the others - moral support?

It wasn't until after we left that Jen explained why she was in hysterics: they were yelling "There are women in the office, women in the office!" That really 'importante' CD? It was Batman the Dark Knight, and I was on the middle of the bus was retaliated with a "I know what they could be in the middle of..."

And then, to make things even more ridiculous the chief ended up using Google Translate from Italian to English to finish the report!
"So, what are you doing now?"
I naively replied with "Oh, I think we're going to go get some cannoli!"
He then asked again, "Let's go get pizza later.. si? Where are you staying?"
All I could think of doing was shake his hand and say thanks and run out the door. Shame I didn't have a Batmobile.

So, my advice to you, maybe learn Italian, eat as much cannoli as possible and try not get yourself in to situations that involve the Sicilian police or hospitals.. but that's a story for another time. Ciao Bella!