home. bitter sweet. its home though. and i knew it was going to go somewhat in this order. but wasn't quite prepared for this. i'm not sure anything could have prepared me for this. its weird. im lost. my mom cried. its all happening and seeming to pour down all at once. here i am monday, june 9th, sitting on my bed at 3:03 pm drinking a beer thinking i need to write down some thoughts. its been one month and 4 days since i landed in america. after 26 months away, it was strange. i felt a strange concoction of excited, nervous, and what the fuck all in the same breathe as the flight landed that friday morning in philadelphia international airport. i surprised my family. my dad at his office. tears. my mom at happy hour. more tears. all the tears followed by the beers.
that lasted about two weeks. i owwwed and ahhhed at the varieties of chips, candies, and funky green smoothies in the grocery store. i could find shoes in double digits. and everything else that i couldn't buy in asia for that matter. it was fascinating. the first few times i went to the grocery store i got all excited and insisted on walking down every single aisle. didnt. want. to. miss. any. thing. new.
ten pounds. one job later. im home. fat. and lost. i had a restaurant job. quit. i was eating well and felt good before i got home. cant say no to wings and cheesesteaks when ur touring a friend from out of town around. i used my old school gps to find my way to the mall. i got a bazillion job offers for taiwan, china, and thailand flooding my inbox as scroll through the internet late at night. the 12 hour time change makes job hunting in america interesting. my 8am sunday skype session ending in a job offer is exciting, for me. and only me. i heard congrats once. i told about a dozen people. its like ive gotten a job as a trash man and no one knows how to react. cool? awesome? i'm um happy for um you? not like korea where u work as a teacher and are very valuable to the people in that country. a teacher isnt the best job. esp in asia. i get it. i was never looking for the best job. nor do i feel the need to prove that its the fucking best super awesomest job to anyone. i learned the hard way. korea shit on me. over. and. over. again. that first year was hellish. i cant describe. but that'll do for now. hellish. glad i made it out alive. grew a pair. grew the fuck up. got a new job. and an entire NEW and EXCITING experience in korea, where i had already lived for an entire year. 365 days. i walked out. i cried. i slept. i didnt give a hoot. that job sucked. they treated me like the trash man. but everyone was excited for me when i was going to korea. now no one knows what to say. i get it.
dont ask. dont listen. its probably better that way anyway. i dont know why im bitter. bitter because no one understands how happy i am to live elsewhere. im not running from anything. im not avoiding anything. im not giving up on america. not yet. i havent given it a chance because im not ready. i dont know what its like to live in america. i have not the slightest clue, but that's okay. many many many foreigners i have met have travelled the us extensively more than i have. thats awesome. i envy them. please share your stories. id love to know what it's like. i like to listen to other peoples stories. thats why i travel. im not a good storyteller and nor do i like to have diahrrea of the mouth stories about how fucking incredible bali beaches are and monkey forests and scuba diving in the top spots in the world, how diverse and culturally rich korea is, how incredible it is to experience living abroad, in such a manic place like korea. thats fine. im okay with that. i dont do it for anyone else. i am happy to do it for myself.
i just had to get these thoughts out. i dont know who to tell sometimes. after my recent job offer. im happy. scared. excited. and more positive feelings than not. im extatic to move to a new country. itll be fascinating. a whole new experience. im excited. i love traveling. i love to do whatever i want. if i want to pack my bags again for a few years. press pause. hop on a plane and go. i will. so im going to. july 23rd here i go. taiwan attempt numero dos. lezgo.
love always
