Keep Calm - Travel On

My entire body is trembling; my legs, my arms, and especially my heart. I’m in pain shivering from the knife sharp wind but all the while, smiling - the dawn is finally about to break. Not even 30 minutes into the ascent at midnight on Mt. Merapi and I wanted to turn back. What was I thinking? Having no depth perception, I'm barely able to see 4 inches in front of me, and working with a twisted, baseball sized ankle I’m still nursing from three days ago, the challenge appeared nearly impossible. My mind was telling me to turn back, it wasn't too late, but my heart screamed louder to keep pushing. 

Its 4 hours later and my heart is exploding with triumph. I had to keep going and even if I did fail it would have beat the hell out of not trying. A year ago, I would have turned around allowing my fright to reign over me, and in return regretted it every day of my life. Starting can be discouraging, unfamiliar, and utterly terrifying - the epitome of my daily life spent living in Thailand the past year. Being surrounded by uncertainty and the unknown forced me to start every day open minded, ready for action, and filled my heart with the strength to start. Even if failure followed, the "what- ifs and should-haves" would sting way worse than my body could the following day. 

Vivid orange, pink, and yellow beams of light begin to illuminate my face, but more importantly, my life. If I hadn't spent the last year forced to find comfort in discomfort, serenity in chaos, and balance in disorganization, I wouldn't be standing atop Indonesia's most active volcano witnessing the most breathtaking sunrise I'd ever been a part of.  If fear took over and I listened to my mind, which is conditioned to give up when the beginning seems difficult, I would have stayed resting at the bottom. This was by far one of the hardest accomplishments of my life which in return led me to one of the greatest moments of my life. 

They say it’s the start the stops most people, it almost stopped me. Thankfully standing tall at the peak, it dawned on me, my heart knew something my mind couldn't explain.