Chinese Whispers
We spend a fair bit of time talking to each other in less than ideal auditory environments. This is most often when we are slipstreaming each other (one riding behind the other, on bicycles), often with the added confounder of strong winds. This can lead to some garbled messages. For example, we had this somewhat confusing exchange on the ferry to Orkney, as a storm raged around us.
Me: 'Are you okay?'
I thought Kate said 'yes, it's just the salmon hurling.'
Confusion. Kate looked like she may be about to start hurling, but all of the salmon had already been ejected from the bar for drinking like fish (boom boom).
Kate actually said: 'yes, it's just the sudden lurching.'
Example 2
While riding
I said: 'I wonder if that's Scrabster'
Kate replied: 'I guess so, if you want to...'
Kate thought I'd said: I wonder about a strap-on.'
For the record, I don't want to. I'd rather go to Scrabster, and that's saying something.
CTR (Cycle-Touring Racing)
Having been starved of meaningful competitive sport over the last 3 months (Kate seems to have tired of playing competitive sheep counting, and doesn't seem to have realised that I'm still going. 123,486 for the record), I have developed an exciting new sport - Cycle-Touring Racing. I take no responsibility for any intellectual property infringements if some other genius has already invented the sport.
- Racing takes place over either three, five or seven days (sprint, middle and long distance), and occurs either as individuals, mixed pairs or teams of four. There is no drafting with other teams allowed.
- Riders have to carry all their own gear. If they choose to keep weight down by bringing only a sock to sleep in (Red Hot Chilli Peppers competing in the fours), then that is their prerogative. But no gear may be borrowed from riders from other teams. Except maybe a little cuddle if inter-team bonding is going well. Competitors who attempt to cuddle with members from other teams merely because they only brought a sock to sleep in will suffer a time penalty.
- There will be two stages each day, totalling between 100km and 150km, with a compulsory 30 min lunch break at a set checkpoint in the middle - I don't want anyone dying of scurvy because they have only brought energy bars for a week. Times will be collated over the week, just like the event's little brother, the Tour de France.
- Time bonuses will be awarded for the quality of the evening meals cooked by each team/competitor. The Judges' decision on this matter will be final.
- There will be a daily budget, and time bonuses/penalties will be awared for under/overspend.
- All food will need to be bought by competitors during racing time.
- Route-selection is up to competitors.
- Law breaking (especially running red lights) will lead to disqualification, as will wearing white knicks.
That's it. See you all out on the course.
