(Warning: contains graphic language)
In about a months worth of time, I will travel alone to a different continent knowing nothing but the basics, if you can even call it that. In a few days, I will receive my host family placement with the bare minimum of information required for me to set out on my journey to South America and I am honestly terrified of what I will find.
I am absolutely fucking terrified of doing what I am about to do yet strangely it's the bravest thing that I've ever done thus far in my life. I only say that because I've always lived my life in comfort. I lived the definition of comfort. I stuck to my routines and went about life the way that we are expected to. You graduate college, get a job, start saving and eventually if your lucky, you will find someone to settle down with. But in the back of my mind, the thought of traveling to other countries always haunted me. I've always wanted to travel to South America but I guess when it came down to it, I was always waiting for the right time. Eventually I realized, there will never be a right time. Some things in life require you to take a chance and take that leap of faith.
But the truth is, im tired of being comfortable and following routines. I want adventures that make me smile from ear to ear when I reminisce about them years from now. I want to see the world through someone elses eyes. Value the simple things that they value. I want to hike up to the very top of Sugarloaf mountain and watch a sunrise because sadly, I have never taken the opportunity to wake up early enough to embrace such a simple, free moment.
I've done my fair share of research about Brazil and what to expect as a foreigner. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not like to travel unprepared so naturally I googled Brazil and because of that, I've read the worst stories. Stories about dangers lurking every corner of the biggest cities in brazil, beach robberies and tourists held at gunpoint. Don't get me wrong here. The fact that there is even the slightest of chances of that happening to me scares the absolute shit out of me. There will be a huge communication gap because of the language barrier that Brazil presents to me. I will not have the people who I've grown up with and come to love by my side either when times get hard. That scares me but I'm afraid of something much bigger. Something I can't escape.
Nothing scares me more than having to face myself. It scares me that during my time in Brazil I will have to grow, adapt, change and come face to face with who I really am. I'll have to deal with emotions that I never knew existed and it makes me feel completely fucking vulnerable. Anyone who knows me knows that I will love you with a heart of gold, but ask me what my vulnerabilities are and I will pause because I have no fucking idea. I'm scared that I will come back a different person. Better yet, I'm scared that when I come back from my trip I will come back as the person who I truly am.
Yet I promise you all this, I've never been more excited.
To the adventures that come......
