Britains Boy

If one was flipping through a travel guide, one would probably pass over the Chislehurst Caves as being a boring destination, and he would be right. While it wasn't a rip roaring good time it was still one of my most favorite sites on my husband's and my trip to the United Kingdom.

The Chislehurst caves were billed as having Roman and Celtic heritage, which is what drew me to the attraction. The husband and I are thoroughly interested in anything ancient; seeing as how everything in California is at most 200 years old.

Our guide was Mr. Magoo if I had to explain him. He led us (and by us I mean me, my husband, and another couple) down into the chalk mine. The first thing he leads us to is an enormous map that reaches to the top of the mine. Pictured on it, in faded ink, is an intricate web of passages that loop one around the other. It reminded me of a Dungeon and Dragon's map, which oddly enough they host live action role playing games in the cavern.

After a minute he turns to us and speaks, barely above a whisper, "So have you got it if we get lost?" The group (the four of us) chuckle nervously. I imagine we're all thinking the same thing "we're going to get lost."

Our guide leads us through the tunnels, informing us all about how in the 60's they held "rock and roll" concerts in different tunnels at the same time, and how during World War II it housed refugees from the Blitz.

At one point he takes the only source of light in the dark tunnels with him around a corner, leaving the two sets of strangers at the "alter" of a Celtic sacrifice. (It was actually carved by an artist in the early 90's.) After a long moment of pure silence a loud bang fills our ears and echoes off through the caverns of the mine. Already thoroughly creeped out, he then creeps slowly back up to us in the dark, speaking in a calm quiet voice, like Smeagle from the Hobbit. Which is rather ironic because he made me think of Bilbo Baggins.

At the end of the tour he posed all four of us with, "Any questions?"

I had only one, "You never said anything about the romans or the celts."

He chuckled to himself, "They never came this far. They just use that as a way to lure people here."

"And then what? You murder them?" I thought to myself.