The Cave
3/22
I'd like to thank my mom now for reminding me to journal because I don't think this story would have reached you with the amount of detail it has got if she hadn't . The following is a direct transposition from my travel journal to my blog. I don't often make such direct translations because what I write about in my travel journal are details from my travels in order to remind me of my experiences, and what I write about in this blog is what I might find interesting or inspiring to those reading it, in this case I think it's both. :)
2/18
Today my mom reminded me to be journaling about my experiences. Two days ago at this time I was in a cavern underground with two German girls, Louisa and Silke, and a young man named Inky. What a crazy life this is. Some experiences, like those of Sunday, remind me how mad life can be and how infinity is possible, because the chances of the these events actually happening the way they did in reality are so unlikely that no computer would ever be able to compute the probability.
The cave adventure began the first night of Evolve when all four of us Inki, Louisa, Silke and myself, met for the first time. Little did we know that first night around the fire that we would all be sharing in one of the most memorable misadventures of our lives. The first night of Evolve there was a small group gathered around the fire after the music had stopped. I as sitting with Amadeus (my co-WWOOFer from Scott and Verena's) near two other German girls. When Inky came up and introduced himself to the girls, and to no one else, I thought “Who the fuck is this guy?” I would find out more the next day.
The second day of Evolve was a good one. The sun was out but not too hot. I went to a couple workshops, Tribe in Transition, Powerful Listening and another talk by Barry Brailsford. When I saw the two German Girls, I chatted with them about their night in the tent under the plane. I had trusted them with my blanket the night before, and planned to meet up with them later to grab it. They day proceeded into evening with smiles and dancing. Evolve is a truly special festival full of good people and wise teachers.
Sunday morning was an early one. I woke up for Qi Gung and afterward Silke, Louisa, and Inky joined me for yoga. We had breakfast together under the tail of the buccaneer (the cargo plane we had camped under), and Inki shared with us his plan for adventure. He told us about this cave just past Motueka, and after the cave we would go to Takaka where a group of good people meet each month for the full moon and hold a drum circle and dancing on the beach. He told us how it was a magical cave with a river and waterfall, with stone pillars and all that jazz. He told it in a way that I knew I better not trust him to make all the decisions and to prepare myself for anything. But despite his exuberance I could tell from the first night that he had a good heart and good intentions even though he might be a little too “blissed out” to be fully aware of all the realities of the physical world. The girls however were fully convinced and it sounded like a proper adventure so I was in. After the second Barry Brailsford talk, the girls packed the tent and we were on our way. It was an hours drive to the cave and we would have to hitch, so we traveled in two's, Silke and I, Inky and Louisa.
It took about twenty minutes for Silke and I to get picked up. We go a ride from two young German guys on their way to hike the Able Tasman track, they took us as far as Motueka. Here I got some cash and we got some food from the supermarket. I laughed to myself a little bit as I realized that Inki and Louisa had only bread and had no plans to get more food, excitement and naivety can be a powerful energy. But I was with Silke and we were both happy to be sharing this adventure together. Her and I had grown close during the festival, and we made a really good team traveling. It didn't take long for us to catch our second ride with two more German girls who took us to the Riwaka Resurgence trail head where Inki and Louisa were waiting. Inki led us up the trail and we dove into the bush about half way up. After about a three minutes walk through the bush we came to the cave entrance, a dark hole in the ground. Inki's blind optimism made him a great adventure guide. He gave us a solid safety talk and tips for when we got down into the cave. He really made everyone feel very comfortable and confident. He led the way down into the earth as each of us followed, one by one.
The beginning was a series of down climbs into the cold wet darkness, because of my rock climbing experience I was quite confident on these down climbs, but the cave added a whole new element to this. I was surprised and impressed at how well the girls were handing themselves in the unfamiliar, dangerous environment. As we climbed deeper and deeper down into the earth my mind started to become aware of all these dangers. Inky was a helpful guide but I think he was over estimating the caving skills of the girls, and at one particularly steep, and tight crevasse I was a little worried that someone might slip, or worse that a rock might come loose and block our exit, it wouldn't take much, the space was big enough for only one person at a time. But we pressed on, further into the cave. About two thirds in the cave opened up into a chamber with stalactites and stalagmites. I have been in caves before, but only on guided tours, where there is a path with lights and a tour guide, but this was much different. With only the light from our head lamps to explore the room, I grew excited from newness and danger of it all. At this point I decided to leave my sandals in the room before we continued on. I had brought them into the cave at Inki's suggestion but had gotten this far in with only my bare feet. I found the sandals to be unsafe when climbing and they were becoming a nuisance in these tight spaces. Little did I know at the time that I would be leaving the cave without them.
We continued on into the cold darkness, the path had become easier but tighter and we began to walk through icy cold water up past our ankles. The path got narrower and narrower until we were nearly crawling through the water on our hands and feet. We could hear running water in front of us and I could tell by he sound that the space in front of us was large. Suddenly the chamber room that was our goal exploded in front of us. Each of us felt the magnitude of it, the expanse of it. It was a room perhaps twenty stories tall and a football field in length. It was like being in an airplane hanger underground, and we were on the edge of it. At one end a river flowed in and at the other a water fall flowed out through an underground river. Near to the water fall there was a massive rock column pouring out from the cave wall. It looked as if it was a water fall of rock formed by sediment and thousands of years of flowing water. There were pools that had formed on the flat parts. These pools were of crystal clear water and some were five or six feet deep. These were possibly formed from dripping water or perhaps different mineral types that eroded at different rates.
We spent maybe twenty or thirty minutes exploring this space. At one point Inki shared with us a beautiful prayer to mother earth. Thanking her for nurturing life through these damp, dark, womb like spaces. This space was truly magical. With each exhale your breath would instantly turn to water vapor, but it would hang in the air and drift off, very slowly, into the dark depths of the cave. Despite this magic it was very cold and I could feel myself, and see in Silke and the others, that were all getting a bit weak from cold and being underground for nearly two hours. This effect was what surprised me most about this experience. Being underground and climbing through these spaces, your mind would begin to do strange things. The entire time your body is telling you that this is not right, turn around, go someplace warm and safe. To be aware of this and not let the anxiety take over. As we left the cave this was easier said than done. I could tell by the way Inki was rushing us that he was feeling this effect as well. He never dropped his positive attitude but his actions were telling me that he was beginning to rush us and he and Louisa kept getting further and further ahead of Silke and I. At this point Silke was visibly weak and disoriented and going back was slow. When we reached the first chamber Inki and Louisa had already gone ahead. I searched around for where I had left my sandals but could not find them. Silke got the end of the chamber and was waiting for me there. I was certain that I had left my sandals clearly in the path. I went back into the small chamber and searched again. I could feel the anxiety getting control of my thoughts and actions. I went back to Silke who was huddled in a ball to keep warm. I asked her to come help me look for them, my mind was telling me I had to find my sandals, they were the only shoes I had brought with me and we still had traveling to do after all of this. I began to rush back into the chamber, I hit my head on a low stalactite, I knew the situation was getting the better of me. I checked the spot again, and checked if they may have slipped or been kicked under a rock or to the side of the chamber, I began to rush. I looked back and realized Silke had only followed me back a short way. I went back to where I had left her. I will never forget the moment I saw her standing in that chamber. The look on her face as she stood shivering, staring into the complete darkness. At that moment I knew we had to get out of that cave. I pushed her towards the cave mouth. We still had three more accents before we were out, including the steep and narrow one. At each climb we took it slow. In some spots I would place her feet into the rock where she would not slip, at one point putting her feet on my shoulder and pushing her up. At this point I was saying anything I could to get her to laugh, to keep her present, keep her focused. Finally, cold, wet, and hungry we emerged from the cave, four hours from when we entered. This was to be the end of one adventure and the beginning of the next.
As soon as Silke and I got out o the cave Inki was saying how they should go on ahead of us and catch a ride, how we needed to stagger ourselves in order to get rides to Takaka where we could meet up at the full moon drumming. This was when I said no. “No Inki, calm down, we're not splitting up, we just got out of the cave, we're tired and hungry, lets take a breath and collect ourselves.” he protested saying it was already late and we still had a seven kilometer walk before we could even get a ride to Takaka. I explained to him that I understood all this but we need to regroup since he was the only one that knew where we were going. At this point we were all still disoriented from the cave. The girls were silent from exhaustion and the disagreement between Inky and I. I still wanted to go back into the cave to get my sandals, I didn't want to be barefoot for the next two days, and Inki was determined to remain in control and on schedule for his grand romantic plan. I took a deep breath.... In through the nose... I looked from above at our situation. Forget the sandals, just material possessions and I know I can handle the walk barefoot. We need to catch a ride to the main road, or we'll be stuck out here for the night... Out through the mouth... I shared my thoughts with the group and we left the cave mouth, I turned and smiled. What a crazy thing we had just done, and here we are, on our way to the next crazy moment of our lives. I thanked the cave for allowing us safe passage and for sharing the experience.
As we followed the trail out Silke and I ate the nuts and apples we had gotten earlier. Inki and Louisa had eaten while they waited for us. When we got to the trail head there were no cars in the parking lot, we knew we would be walking the seven kilometers to the road. As we continued up the road the mood lightened, we had food in our belly and sky above us, we began to laugh at the craziness of our situation and accepted it happily. There were a few farm houses on the road and thankfully the second house had people in it. We knocked on the door and asked kindly if they could take us up to the main road. We explained our situation as they looked at our muddy cloths and they took pity on us, as well as a bit of our money, and drove us the seven K to the main road. Inki was still determined to get to Takaka, in order to make the full moon drum circle on the beach. I began to have my doubts about sticking with him. Silke and I went further up the road in order to catch the first ride. At this point the traffic was very light. Silke and I found a good hitch spot. Here Silke and I changed into some clean, warm cloths, I laid out my blanked, lit some incense, and here we waited comfortably for a ride to come our way.
As it went from dusk to darkness I started to discuss with Silke about going back to my WWOOFing home in Nelson. Traffic that direction was heavier and there we had food for certain was well as a warm place to sleep. In Takaka neither of those were guaranteed. After about thirty minutes Inki and Louisa came down the road to meet us. Silke and I were laying comfortably as I told Inki my concerns about Takaka. He was still determined to make it to Takaka. His plan was to hike up the road in order to get cell service and maybe get a ride to Takaka on the way. If he didn't soon he planned to hitch back to Motueka where we would get a room at a back packers or hotel. This is where our paths parted, I told him that I would get as close to Nelson s I could that night.
This put the girls in a difficult position. They were traveling together but Louisa was certainly sticking with Inki and Silke was happy to be with me. As Louisa and Inki hiked up the road Silke and I packed up our cozy spot. Silke and I would stay together and perhaps meet up with Inki and Louisa in Motueka. We crossed the road and stuck out or thumbs. It was maybe three minutes and the first car that passed us pulled over. It was a group of young Germans, and hey were going all the way to Nelson that night. :) It was 10pm and we were finally headed “home” to a warm bed, tea and food. It seemed the Universe was telling us this was the right direction. We soon passed Louisa and Inki trying to hitch that same direction. But what could we do? The van was packed , four Germans plus one. Silke and I looked at each other, genuinely wished them the best, and smiled.
An hour and a half later we arrived back at the gypsy van that I called home. There Silke and I washed up in the sink the best we could. I put the kettle on and we ate peanut butter and cucumber sandwiches. We listened to music, smoked a bit and laughed at our misadventure, before cuddling up and crashing from exhaustion. I'm still processing the lessons in this whole experience, but I look back with a contented smile. At no point did I ever feel like I totally lost my sense of awarness. Sure there were moments that were out of our control, but I felt okay in that. I felt confident of my own individuality within the grater mystery. I knew myself in the unknown of the moment, and I never lost awarness, I never let the fear of “I don't know what will happen next.” get control of my thoughts or emotions. I never slipped out of awareness and I can say without ego that I am proud of myself for that, and I am thankful to all of my teachers who have led me down such a path. I will remain vigilant in my practice of cultivating awareness and remain vigilant in my practice, and open to the experiences that continue to teach me.
3/22
Rewriting this, it all seems like it might have happened to someone else but then in the same moment I can recall all the little details of the cave, the smell, the damp coldness of it. Little did I know when I wrote this that I would be going back to this cave with a different group of people but this time being much more prepared and having the freedom and luxury of a car. I am deeply thankful for Inki, Louisa and Silke for sharing this little adventure with me. What a great story to be able to share for years and years. And this would not be the last time that I saw Inki and the girls. Over the next month we would be spending more time with each other and becoming quite close.
The next day after the cave experience I told Scott and Verena about the whole thing and they wanted to go check it out for themselves. :) That week I worked with Scott and Verena doing some more mud brick work as well as some mud plastering. That week we also got a new WWOOFer. I was curious who it might be, I was open to it being anyone, but I was slightly hoping that perhaps they be from some place other Germany. It turned out to be a Frenchman named Arthur. Over the next week Arthur and I became good friends. He is trained in Wing Chun and has had experience with Qi Kung and other forms of energy work. During that week at Scott and Verena's we got to know each other well working together pulling out old mans beard, an obnoxious vine that loved to grow in the goss bushes. During this week we found out we had many things in common. Things that we wanted to achieve in this life and things we wanted to see changed in the world. This would be my last week with Scott and Verena, and afterwords my goal would be to try and find apple picking work someplace.
So now, only a week after my first cave adventure I was back. This time with a Swiss, a Kiwi, and a Frenchman. The four of us all got into the little suburb and headed back to the cave. This trip was much less adventurous and much more an exploration. Verena has been into many caves around New Zealand so she was quite excited to be going into one she had never explored yet. On this trip we brought with us a decent camera (that got no decent pictures), a didgeridoo, and a flute. We thought to bring the musical instruments into the cavern to see how the acoustics sounded in there. It was quite powerful to hear a didg in such a large space, but it seemed like the dampness in the cave, and maybe the small didg that we had, kind of killed to deep resonating tones. The flute's high notes however carried really well and I got some good recordings. On this second trip in I was really hoping that my sandals might still be there someplace, but alas they are forever lost to the cave :) After the four of us emerged from the cave we walked down to where the car was parked and decided we would camp there that night. So in a river valley we made a big meal that night from the back of the Suburu and chatted about our life's adventures well into the night.
The next day Scott, Verena, and Arthur dropped me in a good hitching spot and I split up with with my WWOOFing tribe, soon to see them again. I was now headed over the mountains to Takaka. There I would meet with Silke, Louisa and Inki. They had been having their own adventure the week I was working and now I was headed up the coast share some more time with them.
3/26
As I type this Arthur is playing the flute and I'm preparing a meal for the both of us. We have only three days left of work and we're looking forward to it. I still have no idea what I will be doing after work. Arthur and I were talking about finding a beach someplace and chilling out for a few days. Maybe find someplace where diving for food is good. What a feeling not knowing where your home will be in three days. :) Ahh but we will be rich men after these apples, and we will be free again from the demands of the field. :)
I've been thinking a lot. One of the luxuries, or curses, of this apple picking job is it gives you lot of time to think. For some people this can drive them mad. Some people think of girls or boys, or maybe what they might do with the money they've earned from apple picking. I've been quite happy with all this time to think. Maybe because I don't know what my future holds so I can ponder all of the infinite potentials that my life may take. No matter where my thoughts may lead me they always end up coming back to a question at the core of my heart, what am I doing here? Was I put on this earth to pick apples? I put it to you, what do you think our purpose is here?
I believe firmly that we are all here for a reason. If each of us weren’t here for something then we would be dead, we wouldn't exist in this physical form. Now I know this “Why are we here” question may seem cliche but it's one that has been the core of my thoughts for a few years now. I implore each of you to ask yourself this question from time to time as well, at least keep it in the back of your mind as you go to work each day or eat your lunch. I've come to my own answers for this question and they are constantly shifting, changing shape and form, but I'm incredibly grateful and happy for the path that this asking has taken me down. If this question seems too big, too “out there” for you, try asking yourself this, are you happy?
I've found that if at any point in my life I find myself lost, without direction or inspiration, I ask myself, “Am I Happy?” and if not I do something to change it. Perhaps that change is simply one of my own perception of the moment.Now I understand that at some point there needs to be sacrifice, discipline and boundaries in ones life, but I think that at the foundation of these boundaries and sacrifices there needs to be happiness, gratitude, forgiveness, compassion, love. For your Self and Other, but maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.... :)
I think apple picking illustrates my point well. When I tell people how hard physically and mentally apple picking is, they always seem to have a response like, oh well it will be over soon, or at least your getting good money or... Hold on, I didn't say my situation was a miserable one, I said said it is a difficult one, that doesn’t mean I'm necessarily unhappy now and then at some future date I will be more happy. This experience, in this moment right now, is the ONE that I'm going through, and I'm incredibly grateful for this experience. In another week, or another day or another breath, I'll be having a different experience, because it will be a different moment. If we are really living Life, then it will always present us with hurdles and challenges,but isn't something worth doing sometimes difficult? And no matter how much power or money or social status we may have, Life will always throw us challenges and will be difficult in one way or another. However, I think that whether our life is a happy one or a miserable one, it is completely up to us. We can never truly know our future but we can know our present, and from the here and now we can shape our future into something we believe in.
So which emotion are you nurturing? Happiness or Sadness? What vibration are you making stronger with your thoughts, emotions, words and actions? Love or Fear? No one outside of ourselves can give us the answers to these difficult questions, but that does not mean they are not worth asking. The world may not have all the answers we're looking for, but everywhere around us there are insights into the deepest questions. Insight may come from a work of art or music, from nature or from a child. Perhaps it comes from a spiritual teacher, philosopher, psychologist, author, poet,friend, lover, enemy. Insight is everywhere all at once and can come from any direction at any time, but we have to be open to its lessons and we need to be asking the right questions :)
3/28
I'm sitting now in the darkness of camp editing what I have written so far. Arthur and I have eatin and had good conversation. Today was our last full day apple picking and tomorrow will be our last day of the season. We're both looking forward to it. I'm also looking forward to getting what I've written so far posted. With my new wealth I plan to find someplace comfortable for he next couple days and do lots of reading, writing and meditating. Maybe by the end of the week I will have caught you up in time with the experiences I've had here, and perhaps by the end of this lifetime I might be lucky to have shared with you some of my revelations. :) Good night and I Love you :)
3/29
Our last day apple picking! :) What an experience this has been. It's a noticeable relief to know that I wont have to be waking up in the cold to walk down rows of apples, carrying forty or fifty K of apples down a ladder. It's bitter sweet tho really. This whole experience has been a great one. There is not much rest for the weary however. We plan to take tomorrow easy, but we have to break camp and tidy up our spot. Tomorrow evening I may very well be on my way north, to where I'm not sure yet, but I'm going to make sure that it has big warm bath of some sort. Arthur is on his way east to rescue his damsel in Blenheim, I look forward to seeing him again soon. The next few days I will find someplace to myself, somewhere to write, read, yoga, meditate, nap, just general expanding
I plan to keep up with this blog daily as best I can. I feel like the daily practice is a bit easier for me and maybe a more accurate and honest representation for you. :) Please let me know if this is too long of an entry and please give me some feedback, share your opinions. I'll be posting again whenever I may be someplace with internet.
Lots of Love.
