Beyond words

There I was, in a new country, completely intimidated, trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I had decided to combine three of my favorite things – solitude, walking and, well, over thinking. My self-esteem had just reached a new depth and I was simply floundering about in a new wave of emptiness. Sure, I had come with my family to celebrate the ultimate “foreign holiday”, something that is an impossible dream for a middle-class kid, but I remained selfishly consumed in my own devouring insecurities.

As I walked, something in me changed. No, it wasn't one of those dramatic movie climax-like incidents that altered my life. It wasn't even something specific that I saw. A bolt of lightning didn't announce my new personality. Dancing in a sudden rainfall didn't boost my self-confidence. I didn't magically run into a beautiful stranger. I merely took a turn and felt the sun hitting my face. Not that I've never been touched by sunlight before, but the sudden warmth and the novelty of the surroundings overwhelmed me and in a flash, I seemed to have found the answer to all my problems. That I actually had no real problems! What was I beating myself up about? A little extra flab? Not being “pretty”? Not having a happening social life? None of these things mattered; I was in an exciting new country and I had the power to take home with me as many new experiences and sights as possible! That thought left me feeling exhilarated.

That night, as I watched the brilliant fireworks over Marina Bay Sands ushering in the New Year, I realized something that I can never forget. I’d found me; I’d found that “me” could never really be defined and that the beauty of it lies in its transience. I looked around, drank in the atmosphere and fell fiercely in love – with travel, with the unknown, with independence and most importantly, with myself.