A narcissistic treasure to share with the world

I must admit I began writing this mostly concerned with what a “treasure” meant to World Nomads. A flutter in my stomach reminded me of a time my insecurities led me here before, to the double vision of a girl whose heart tried to agree with what other’s desires created. I started traveling so I could take lots of pictures, to list the countries I’ve been to with an air of nonchalance as I sipped martins bought by boys who were just so impressed by my fearlessness and independence. My treasure is a sense of self that that exploded not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with the quiet dignity of fear and self-consciousness slipping away unexpectedly in the middle of the night.
My treasure, tangibly, was unearthed accidentally in a 1-bedroom apartment with a broken hotplate and a sink that only ran hot water when the closet light was switched on. But on a level that is difficult to phrase, my travel treasure is a sense of simmering existential awe that comes from a true appreciation of my insignificance on this beautifully lonely planet.
I was 22 when I moved to Budapest, Hungary. My existential awe was, at this point in my life, closer to panic. I was running from grad school, from bad boyfriends, from unmet expectations -but mostly I was running from how lame I knew these problems were. Despite well-intentioned “you-can’t-run-from-your-problems” naysayers, I knew on some level running was at least better than inertia. So I fled.
I learned you can run from your problems, to escape a confusing and raucous world with endless routines forcing themselves upon us?-commitments, deadlines, plans, expectations?-?making it hard to get clarity and see what matters. I learned to consciously put myself in a place to receive that clarity. I wandered down new streets, forgot what I knew, what I wanted or expected to know. I disconnected from the world I knew and become completely accustomed to the world I was traveling in.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said “People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.” It was within that dilapidated apartment I learned that everything I need is right in front of me, because my treasure is actually always around me. I just don’t always see it ?because I’m not in the right place to notice it. That apartment is a tangible reminder of my ability to conquer fear, loneliness, and disconnectedness. We’re all fated to the do the thing we fear the most anyways.