Dear Friends and Family,
I just wanted to write some final reflections to wrap up this journal - my "blob" as Nana calls it. Thanks to everyone who read it! It meant so much to me to be able to share my experiences and know that my friends were keeping up! Of course there were many experiences I wasn't able to write about, but I hope I provided a little taste of what it was like. I'm hoping this last entry will sum up some things I thought and learned over this truly life-changing trip.
"Three gents and a lady?!?!" This was the phrase uttered by many an innkeeper as Noah, Kyle, Ryan, and I signed in to our guesthouses. Sometimes it was muttered with a shake of the head as he looked at his books, and sometimes it was said with surprise as Noah and I explained that we are family. (Having the same last name was SO clutch!) Sometimes we were even turned away, and I have a sneaking suspicion that our unorthodox party of 4 may have been the reason at least once.
This trip was sooo different from my last visit to India. We were traveling in a totally different style, and I loved it! Instead of traveling by air conditioned SUV, we took suburban trains and buses - same as the locals. Instead of making reservations at 4 star hotels, we found the seediest guest houses possible (often sharing our abode with several species of insect). "$2.20 each for a room for the night? Unacceptable. We'll pay $1.80." :P (The rupee equivalent of course.) I traded in my large rolling suitcase for a backpack, and my tourist goggles for a real view of India.
I saw India for all of it's beauty and filth. It is truly a land of contradictions. New and modern buildings in a city are often flanked by dilapidated huts left over as they SLOWLY develop. Your eyes can be having a grand old time watching women in gorgeous saris stringing flowers while your nose is dealing with a host of nasty smells. You can be overwhelmed with beauty and totally repulsed at the same time.On your left is a gorgeous mountain or temple, and on your right is someone going to the bathroom on the street. We rarely made travel plans in advance, but when we did we could be sure there would be a strike or some other fluke problem. I saw ads for Rolexes in Chennai and thought, "I haven't seen a single person in 3 days who looks like they'd wear a Rolex." Women's independence, education, and careers are definitely on the rise (they even have a woman president), yet they are still noticably subservient to men, as I found out when I was asked to help serve drinks at Nirmal's house. India gave the world yoga, the Taj Mahal, and Mahatma Gandhi. It is enlightened enough to be home to people of every religon, all living together in remarkable peace. Yet 55% of the population of it's most cosmopolitan city (Bombay) lives in slums, and India is predicted to be the site of the next big AIDS boom. What is causing such rampant misfortune? We pondered this heavily. Could it be remnants of the oppressive caste system (which is not technically recognized anymore but is still felt by many)? Could it be overpopulation due to lack of available birth control or education about it? Could it be the young age of India's modern government, having only gained independence from Great Britian 60 years ago? It is probably a combination of these and many other complex issues.
India's culture is becoming increasingly globalized and Westernized - a fact which disturbs some in the older generation. English is spoken almost everywhere. However, we noticed and respected that they seemed to be able to take what they wanted from Western culture and still preserve their own. India has a cultural heritage so rich and ancient it makes America's relatively young culture look paper-thin. It is so multi-faceted and beautiful. I felt culturally poor compared to them. Yet they envy our wealth and prosperity. I realized that we are such a rich and prosperous country in the eyes of the rest of the world. I know that's like, DUH, but I don't think of it every day and it's different to talk to people who almost all think of you that way, and to see OUR presidential primary on the front page of their newspapers. It's true though. Some of the poorest people in our country have more space and material goods to call their own than many Indians who are not "poor". And the poorest people in India - well that just can't be rivaled. It's no wonder we were begged from and hasseled by touts constantly. They know where the money is! We don't see ourselves as rich, but we honestly are compared to them. I was amazed, however, at how quickly I became desensitized to it. At first seeing all the needy people made my heart hurt, but that feeling came and went, then came again. At times I had to ignore them. They were just too numerous to acknowledge every one.
I've talked in broad terms about India, but I also want to talk about the people. As a traveler and major minority, we thought and talked a lot about the Indians' responses to us and our responses to them, as well as our rights and responsibilities as travelers. People were generally VERY friendly. People passing by would often say hello and ask our names and where we were from, even yelling it when they barely had time: "HELLOSIRYOURNAME?!" Kids and teenagers waved and crowded around us, just for a bit of conversation (the boys invariably giggling and blushing as they shook my hand). They loved us. People on the train would strike up conversations and offer to help us find our way. And unlike my last visit, I found that I was included and spoken to almost as much as the guys. (Last time people seemed only to address my male traveling companion. This time it only happened once and was quite comical, with a man asking all about the 3 guys. When I offered my name and hometown he simply responded, "Okay fine maam.") Anyway, the majority of the people were wonderful, but this was not always the case - and these other instances were thought-provoking.
First were the beggars and touts, who I mentioned earlier. Walking down the street we were often approached, but we could forget about sitting on a bench or on the beach. Sitting on the seaside we were approached at a rate of about 5 people in 10 minutes! Do I have a moral obligation to give because they are so much needier than me and my money goes so far here? Some Indians seem to think so. A couple of times I gave a large sum to a beggar and didn't receive so much as a nod - like it was expected. Another time I was awoken on a train by a bystander who thought I should give to a beggar walking down the aisle. Little did he know I had just given 50 rupees to someone before my nap (the usual donation is 2 or 3). It's like saying, "Because you are white I know you have money in your pocket, and you are obligated to give it to me." I do feel compelled to give, not because I'm "Western" or "rich", but because of compassion for someone in a hard situation. That stranger acted like I shouldn't have an option because of what my skin color means. That is where I draw the line. I think I should have a right to just exist without nonsense like that.
The man on the train brings me to my final thought. Where does the line lie between cultural differences and actual rudeness - intolerance that is both ignorant and universally wrong? How do you deal with that? I started out giving a really wide berth for cultural differences, giving many situations the benefit of the doubt. "Oh, that old lady just whapped the side of my legs to make me move because that's what they do here. That man is just glaring at me because he's not used to seeing people like me." But after awhile I did start to get fed up with rudeness. Cultural or not, it's rude to step on my foot and say nothing, to wake me up on a train like that, or to tell us that we don't belong on a certain train car. My attitude became dismissing. Noah asked why I didn't stand up for myself more. Why didn't I say something to the train guy? The answer was that I chose to talk to people who were nice and accepting and let rudeness roll off my back. If they were that ignorant and set in their ways, I probably couldn't change them by saying something. In fact, it'd probably provoke more gruffness, which I did't want to deal with. But after a stimulating conversation, my perspective changed again. I realized that my point of view was rather hopeless. It's not giving the world and humanity enough credit. It's not standing up for what's right. Intolerance like that is not a cultural thing, it's an individual thing. Like any human being, we should be able to ride any train car or public bus we want. Just because we don't speak Tamil or Malayalam doesn't mean we should be smacked out of someone's way. Letting it roll off my back is not terrible. It's hard and it takes practice to hone your reaction, especially when you are caught off-guard. But perhaps a more constructive way to respond would be to talk to them, ask why they are saying what they are, and explain why you think you do belong there, or let them know you've noticed their rudeness. In this way you can make a positive impact as a traveler, rather than a neutral or negative one. This is probably one of the more important lessons I learned in India, thanks in large part to my traveling companions. Having my mind challenged and opened like that is one of my main reasons for traveling. That, and it's also really freakin fun. :)
Thanks for reading everyone! Sorry if I was too wordy!
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Thanks again! xoxo
