Playgrounds

Having drowsily evaded sleep on yet another tumultuous night bus, even the dirt cheap room waiting for me in Jodhpur seemed ideal. Smug to have finally arrived, I watched the bus load on new cattle and disappear, only to discover that I was actually standing in the isolated desert outpost of Jaisalmer. Might've known, I thought. These reminders of how little agency you have over yourself typify India, but sanity is your reward for embracing them. I approached the fanny-packed couple to whom I'd earlier expressed my reluctance to leap aboard the 'camel safari' bandwagon. The regimented and spoon-fed fun of package tours had never appealed to me before, but I figured: riding a wild beast into rogue desert tied loosely to my mother tongue, what could possibly go wrong? Fast forward 48 hours, the cheapest 4-day camel trip is hastily booked, numerous more rickshaw drivers nod blindly as I tell them I want to go the other way and I'm paired with my 'safari'. It soon becomes evident, however, that the entire spectacle is tame and micromanaged, from the luxury jeeps to the 90 minute waiting game while the couple’s twice-a-day malaria medication digests. By the second night, I decide to be proactive. The sun had long set over the fragile dunes, the group was snuggled asleep, the camels belched rhythmically close by and even our guide had retired for the evening. As the fire crumbled slowly into embers, I don my head torch triumphantly, walk quietly over to the docile camels, unhitch Debodirah, immediately recognisable by his lordly stature and impressive beard, and together we slip discretely away from the campsite and into anonymity. Who knows how long we walked that night, our racing hearts dispelling the absurdity of aimless wandering in cold and amorphous dark. The romance I’d initially saturated the journey with soon withers as fear and anxiety accumulate and the bitter reality of my disorientation dawns. Varying heights of menacing eyes scurry just beyond my frantic torch's reach. The blinking sets of curious stars follow us relentlessly, leering out of black. Each new pair of pupils amplifies my crippling fear as I clutch my indifferent and gassy companion ever closer. Though one foot determinedly follows the next, hope is now endangered. Only with the rising sun, banishing the mysterious nocturnal creatures to their homes and revealing the elusive sand giants perched solemnly upon the horizon, do I exhale a long sigh of relief. Might’ve known, I thought.