watching leaves fall...

ESTHERS MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!
the secret that wasnt kept..............
 
im sure theres a few of yas out there curious bout just how this all came about! ;)
thanks for the wishes of happiness etc. nice to hear.
well, where should i start? where i was born? growing up . declaring. I will never marry.
seeking freedom. always. even from those i loved. who loved me.
flying through the world. on wings of freedom, confusion, happiness, strength and weakness. learning. being. growing. and still, declaring. i am free. with so much to do, see, discover. never to commit. and ...marry. a hazy dream. distant if real an idea at all.
 
i made a friend in Peru. rare to find, a friend, who was so natural and real. from the moment of conversation. a crowded bar. our corner more interesting than the rest. relaxed, i felt. i knew. i d found a friend. we danced like friends. really, like the culture i remembered and missed, to dance in a group, no need to touch, hold, obsessive desire to kiss. id found a friend.
a friend, ...no need to think much. easy. relaxing. but each in our own world. own interests. apart form the other. friends. who laughed laughed talked talked talked. about nothing. idiot things. children together, laughing on the street. idiot things. simple things. nothing things. laughter.
how can you trust. from a first meet. i did. id found a friend.
he is a chileno raft guide. in peru for their winter season. left peru before me. I worked as a safety kayaker on the same river. different company. same river. same passion. .....
feeling small and idiot on the river, i made mistakes like they were an addiction. but continued. every day. to the river. my passion.
..where are we...are you lost in the story? well, this is how it went... danilo saw this, my passion, saw my...something...and each day urged me, again , again , again....come to chile, learn to guide.... you ll pass the exam for sure!!! come to chile with us! the best country in the world...ill teach you to guide...take you to the river.every day for sure.....ill give you a free course.... every day on the river with me!!! come to chile...... his voice echoed in the voices of others in the group after he left....go to chile esther...for sure you ll pass the exam....you can stay with danilo...he ll teach you, go to chile esther... go go go go...
so one day i left. and came here. straght three days in a bus. to Chile, Pucon. A new river. a new place, and for once arriving to a familiar face.
 
first night i arrived we watched three movies and watched none. talked. laughed. talked. and. and. and.... so it continued. flowing like a tidal wave. really. of unstoppable feelings and love. something flicked inside of me so soon. something id never seen before. of a true wish of future and dreams. and travel. with another. there. by my side. forever. so soon. something for sure, id never said before.... it felt. so soon. so fast, so good, so right right. right. finally found it. him, my missing sock.
we were together. then official, together, then speaking of forevers. dreams, flying crazy and pure without thought or control. learning together on the river, ....teaching me with patience...impatience...pure desire that i be the best! a month of pure laughter till reality hit. aaaaarghh! how can somebody misunderstand me so much! we fought. and worked through. and loved. and fought. and worked through it. and loved.....
months of intensity, learning together, being. growing.
he read the poetry i love. shared together. his passions, my passions, ideas, dreams. spoke of future of babies and life, and adventures and travel....laughed, cried, partied, danced (a little..)sang....
finally found, the one to journey with.... yes dingers, found my road.. and now the one to travel it with me! :)
some days its all i want to do. cry to the world I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU my AMorCIto mIo T¨AMOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
... so when he spoke one day, in serious, why dont we get married. wasnt hard to say yes.
 
and when we spoke, another day, excited children, yet adults together... why not now? why not do it now? and be it us. together. for sure. forever. lets do it for us..... already know what we want. lets do it now. marry now. one more way. for sure to show, to say, and be with you. forever. all i want.
...ive never understood the idea of a long engagement...what is it? just to save for the wedding? make plans? or test the person, if they really are the one for you? why the need to wait, to test?, if you promise your love, to one. if you look them in the eye, and declare it as truth forever, with your whole heart. why be afraid to make it on paper, really only an institucion of our society , our law. For us, just another way to show the other, for sure. I love you amorcito mio. forever. and ever, for sure.
i wasnt going to tell, anyone, anyone at all. but we needed witnesses and so it flowed, told the world in chile, heard all their congratulations, judgments and well wishes together.
...no, im not pregnant, it doesnt help with a visa, I dont have any money for him, him for me... 
we had our day. tiny. small. precious for us. plans for a celebration, to share with others, in a year or so for sure. but this. this. for us.
told my familyt at home the day of the deed. Just mum and dad.... and said.KEEP IT A SECRET FOR NOW PLEASE... didnt wanna ruin the excitement for my sisters wedding in may ...and besides, this is just ours for now. ours ok?.
........so excited. proud and happy, of course my parents called, and called the family, guess maybe wanted to shout it to the world?!! :)
so, its a secret not well, kept. but this dont matter at all.
we re happy an together makin plans for aus, so hopefully catch up better, and see yas all, sometime soon!!!!!!!!!!!
... ive been asked how the married life is like. well i gues its just the same, we were married before i signed, or stood in front of a stranger to make our promise of love.... so ive been married for a while now, an i ll tell you.
its a beautiful life.
to have a wish to travel forever. with the one you love
and for he to feel the same.
is a dream of many
and its come true for me.
its a beautiful life.
...we re on this crazy , fantastic, beautiful rollercoaster journey together.
I looooooooove it .
T¨AAMOOOOOOOOO amorcito.
I love you.