Well, we have been deposited back into town and this has given me the perfect opportunity to do a little research on just what it is that Tasmanians care about; what motivates them; what are the key issues affecting your local Tasmanian on the street, what really makes them tick culturally?
Turns out it’s stationery.
I know! As a secretary I have to admit to being swayed by the charms of a good selotape dispenser, to being overawed by the sheer variety of sizes and shapes of post-its, to waiting in breathless anticipation for the latest little gadgets office boffins have invented that make desk life so much easier, to being impressed by the fact that there are pens for every single task you can think of...sorry, got a bit distracted there! The point is, I was watching “Quantum of Solace” on the tv here and it was interrupted by an ad for Stabilo highlighter pens – an actual live action advert for a highlighter pen. I have never seen such a thing in my life before; processed cheese squares I can understand, god knows they need to hammer that message home before anyone would eat the disgusting things, but HIGHLIGHTER PENS?
I thought this bore further investigation so I went out into town the following day to see what I could find – yes, it’s true folks, Lawncesston has more stationery outlets than pubs. Why? It’s not like Tasmania is the administrative capital of Australia – what on earth were they doing with the stuff? Highlighting the syllables on road signs so that British tourists pronounced place names correctly? Scribbling “we’re not with stupid” on pictures of the mainland in permanent marker? Sticking post-its onto the local wildlife saying “Watch out – I’m deadly :o)”? The mind boggles.
Speaking of bizarre fixations and the possible ramifications of inhalation of too much pine sap (they bleed the stuff all over you as you hack them to pieces – it’s brutal out there man) combined with heatstroke, I am currently considering the aesthetic qualities of shorts, and more particularly the legs that go into them.
In a town where summer clearly happens for more than five consecutive days a year there are a fair few locals in possession of a pair of shorts and not afraid to use them. This gives the person on the street the opportunity to meditate on the concept of legs and it has led to the realisation in this particular casual viewer that I like how the hair on men’s legs grows, it’s kind of swirly and bare in patches and looks especially nice on tanned and toned pins, preferably not interrupted by the socks and sandals abomination. The average female leg looks shiny, bald and frankly uninviting in comparison.
It may be that I have been travelling for too long and am losing the veneer of civilisation more quickly than usual but it strikes me that shaving legs is an unnatural practice. I think I’m going to go all continental and let them sprout as nature intended. There’s a great paragraph in Bridget Jones where she contemplates what the modern female would look like without all the exfoliating, shaving, waxing, threading (I don’t even know what that is!),plucking and moisturising... well that, my friends, is going to be me in a week’s time.
On another subject – you remember my previous comments on Essential Travellers’ tip 1 – “How to make the most of a Dutch bathroom”? Well I’m now after the follow up guide book on "How to walk downhill in thongs / flip-flops". How is it even possible?
On the topics of travel wonders of the world, my hotel room has the longest entrance corridor I have ever before experienced – I half expected to come out in Narnia at the end of it. I don't mean the main hotel corridor that the rooms come off, I mean it actually had an entrance hallway within the room. Room service had given up and gone away by the time I made it over to the door from my bed. It was also where the main light switches were and, as the bedside lamp didn't work, was the cause of a fair bit of dangerous night time navigation. My torch was at the bottom of my day pack so I ended up using my mobile phone to try to find my bed. This is how long it was - the auto switch off kicked in before I got there! I'll give Mr Tummnus your best...
Oh well, all good things must come to an end and to prove it I caught a Leo Sayer special playing on loop in the airport at 4am. This led to the shock discoveries that Leo Sayer is a) still alive, b) still of significant cultural significance in Tasmania to merit an hour-long special (see stationery), c) still has curly hair – or any hair at all for that matter and d) still irritatingly perky and quite, frankly, not the kind of thing I want to be seeing just before a hellish 12 hour flight. Can we have the video with the woman doing exercises to avoid DVT and telling us to drink plenty of water instead please? Please!
See you next hols.
Elsie x
P.s. I’ve worked out why they need all that stationery – it’s to write all the signs in the hostels.
