Tails from Africa

Any other time I would’ve been worried about the spiders on top of the grey slush my bare feet were unhappily sinking into.

But my mind was elsewhere as I locked the pepper spray ready to season any creature hurdling towards me.

If ever there was a plea for positive thinking - this was it.

We were bogged in Mana Pools, the remote national park in northern Zimbabwe notorious for the death of unassuming tourists - like ourselves.

We were bogged and alone. With the exception of two lions somewhere in our vicinity.

My friend Misty was squatting knee-deep in the spider mud digging like mad with the hand spade. With each scoop of grey watery goo excavated, more appeared within seconds.

It’s no fitting competition, two young women from Australia - unarmed, unskilled and out of our depths - against two lionesses on home ground.

We stood no chance. For all we knew they had already caught our scent.

It’s the paparazzi moment everyone waits for on a game drive. There’s nothing more exciting than spotting cats, the celebrities of the African wild.

“Lions! Lions! Two lovely lionesses out there!” the driver of the group of four Afrikaners yelled out of his window, pointing towards the track.

We were the only two cars to have left the campsite that morning because of unrelenting wet season rain.

It was no secret Mana was risky business. Guidebooks warn not to attempt it by car when wet, but a Zimbabwean couple assured us it was accessible by FWD.

Their only warning was to stay in the tent at night because lions have devoured tourists en route to the toilet.

Mana Pools stretches the mighty Zambezi River. It becomes a floodplain of water and green over wet season hosting a menagerie of African wildlife.

Earlier that day we spotted a yellowed how-to-avoid-death by lion, elephant, and buffalo guide on the ranger’s wall.

Back then I found it entertaining. Now I was begging myself to remember the dot point advice with silly cartoons. “Do not run away. Maintain constant eye contact.”

I gripped the pepper spray knowing I had to fight my paralysis and move.

I moved and so did Misty. We dug out sludge, deflated tyres, found branches in the very bush that could be hiding our beast of prey.

Back in the car we tried again, reversing back and forward.

Nothing.

Nothing but the hot heaves and splatters of a giant trapped in the mud.

Then it happened with an unexpected forward push.

Freed and on the road again. But we never did see the lions.