DAY 9 - Sun, Sep 6th 2015
Up at 5.30am, I walked to Yogabarn in the dark. My stomach began to hurt and worry began to creep in that I had been gifted with the dreaded Bali belly. I considered not going to class just in case it didn't calm down but thankfully, it passed. Phew!
Laya Yoga was a 3 hour Kundalini Tantra class. I didn't really know what to expect, all I knew was that Kundalini is supposedly a serpant of energy coiled up at the base of our spines and when it awakens and moves upwards, it brings about great clarity and intensfies your energy and the senses. I've also heard that it can burn and be quite a painful emotional experience.
It was an unusually small class with only 5 of us. For the first half we sat in meditation and ' contemplation' as our teacher spoke about combining dualities such as Dark and Light, Masculine and Feminine, Positive and Negative etc and that we were to embrace both to be whole. In between her words she would let out these strange noises like a grunt, growl or moan. She didn't explain the purpose of this or mention that we should try it ourselves for quite some time so I was a little confused as to what we were meant to be doing. The second half of the class she directed us to vocalize certain sounds such as chanting OM, to vibrate through our chakras clearing out blockages and to purify and recondition the brain/body capacity. We also moved into certain hatha poses that assisted the energy flow.
Her noises became wilder and in certain poses her whole body convulsed uncontrollably (imagine like an orgasm) and it was clear that she was experiencing something powerful. One of the other students who had been training with her for over 3 years also experienced something similar but he sounded like he was in pain. I cant speak for the others, but I dont think they experienced anything - I certainly didnt and im not sure if I want to after witnessing that! (I've been told since that there are much more peacful ways to experience the awakening of Kundalini, thats a relief!).
I know that my judgement comes from not completely understanding what was going on and that hindered my willingness to really try and surrender to what may be possible. It was a very long class and I had moments where I was enjoyed the stillness, and moments of boredom, and moments of feeling that it may be a bit beyond my weirdness capacity (and I have a pretty big capacity for the weird and wonderful in this world!) however, I am still glad that I attended the class as it opened my eyes to something new within the spiritual realm.
After that, I had a lazy afternoon relaxing by the pool. I discovered that there was an hour a day where the sun actually reached the patio through the trees so I managed to get a little bit of sunbathing in. (My holiday is complete!). Such a luxury to have the time to do nothing!
DAY 10 - Mon, Sep 7th 2015
My final full day in Ubud. Mixed emotions - sadness that my amazing journey has come to an end when there is still so many classes and workshops I would love to attend, but also excitment about getting to see Andrew and Jasper again back home.
I went to one last Vinyasa class at Radiantly Alive. It was meant to be Daniels class and I was very excited to end on a high note with one of the best in the business, but unfortunately a guest teacher filled in his spot. There was nothing wrong writh Sergios class but it took me a while to let go of my disappontment and annoyance that it wasn't Daniel, and to allow myself to enjoy it. I came to Ubud specifically to experience certain teachers classes that I had heard so much about, so it has been a disappointment that a handful of the classes during my stay were replaced with other teachers. But in saying that, it is a fantastic lesson/reminder to not focus on what you DONT want (as you attract what you think) and to also be unattached to set plans and outcomes and to be grateful for anything the universe offers you.
After one swim in the pool, and one last meal at the amazing Dayus cafe, I had one last appointment to attend.
My appointment was with the Reiki Grand Master and Spiritual Healer Punnu Singh Wasu at Yogabarn. I had no idea what to expect but I was very curious and open to his practices. We spoke about the confusion I have about some conflicting spiritual beliefs that I have learnt (I wish I had a spiritual mentor to talk to about these things!), and about my life and any stresses that I am battling. Then I lay down and he did what he does best. I had hoped afterwards that he would tell me where he felt stuck energy and what he thought I needed to work on but all he said was that it would take 3 days for his healing to balance out throughout my body and that I have been holding onto emotions, particulary regarding a relationship. I would guess that the relationship issues I have is with myself (insecurities etc)...
When I walked out of his hut I felt almost in a dreamlike trance. Very much at peace with a remarkably quiet mind. When the mind is quiet and you are completely in the present moment, everything looks so vibrant and fascinating so I walked around enjoying this feeling.
Went to one last free Health Lecture, this time about probiotics and the microbiome. Interesting stuff, I reccommend that everyone should be aware of these things!! Our human bodies are made up of trillions of bacteria called the microbiome. Our human cells are actually the minority. We pick up this bacteria from the way we were born, the families we grew up with, our environment etc Most bacteria is actually GOOD bacteria and it keeps us alive and healthy. With how steralised the world is now and how processed our food is, we are lacking the amount of good bacteria that we need, which is one of the reasons why illnesses/disease are so common and continue to evolve. Adding probiotics to our diets can help reset the balance in our gut. Anyway, moving on!
I am currently sitting on the balcony at my hotel as I write this (Tues 8th Sep). My bag is packed and my transfer to the airport is due to arrive in a couple of hours.
In 10 full days I have attended 19 Yoga/Meditation Classes, 1 Workshop, 4 Lectures, 1 Reiki session and have had 5 massages. I have experienced flucuating emotions and have learnt an incredible amount from some amazingly knowledgable and passionate teachers. I have achieved moments of great clarity, presence and peace. I have only eaten healthy organic vegetarian food which I have thoroughly enjoyed; It is so easy to eat a healthly vegetarian diet here in Ubud, there are so many fantastic cafes that cater to this preference.
I have not felt lonely at all which is one of the biggest self realisations/confirmations that I have gained - I am whole on my own. Not to say I dont need or want husband, he definitely enhances my happiness and wholeness, but it's nice to know that I am happy with myself as an individual as well. Another realisation that I have gained which is unexpected, it that I am ready to be a mother. Obviously I've always wanted to have children but I have been plagued with great fear as to what it does to the body and mainly, what it does to your personal freedom, especially for a woman during the time of pregnancy and breast feeding. I have also doubted that I will be a good mother and wether I will be able to handle the stresses of parenthood. These feelings havent completly gone away (and I'm sure everyone has these thoughts) but I am now at a level of peace and acceptance of the process and I am very excited about bringing life into this world and seeing it develop and grow and being able to teach it the wonders of the world.
I have enjoyed connecting to Ubud beneath the surface of broken or non-existant side walks, mangy wild dogs, squashed offerings to the gods outside every home and shop, chaotic traffic, motorbike taxi drivers offering their services every few metres that you walk, rubbish and messiness etc Underneath it all is the incredible kindess and friendliness of the local people, amazing food, deep spirituality and acceptance, vibrant greeness and nature filled with life - monkeys, birds, squirrels, insects etc which I have thoroughly enjoyed watching, the list could go on and on.
Ubud, you will be missed. Thank You for sharing your love and beauty with me.
