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How did I end up here? Standing at the top of the hill, watching the race begin, tears welling in my eyes, with a mere t-shirt as evidence of my defeat.
Having never driven a manual, let alone on the other side of the road, I left myself with an ample amount of time to arrive. What should have been an easy drive turned out to be a treacherous expedition. I grasped the steering wheel in one hand gear stick in the other, while my left foot trembled on the clutch; I carried on. As if it were rain in a draught, I saw signs for the car park. I rejoiced, with and by, myself in that tiny toy car. Time was now a factor with the race starting in 30 minutes and I had yet to check in. I got my warm up as I sprinted to the registration tent. Panting, I managed to relay my information and began filling out a form. I was soon interrupted by a stern voice that said “No more entries, registration closed at half past 5.” My eyes shot down at my watch, which read 5:33. Like a 5th grader explaining how the dog at her homework, I began spewing. “But I came all this way, I’ve never driven stick, I left two hours early, please” my pitch growing higher, words coming faster “No” she replied. I stood there for a moment, unable to shield my emotions.
Sitting in the cold grass, I held my face in my hands, tears streaming, snot flowing freely. I sat amidst hundreds of people pinning on their numbers, fixing chip timers and walking past me as if I didn’t exist. I half expected someone to stop and ask if I was alright. No one stopped and no one asked. Time stood still in that moment and I realized I was truly on my own, no mom or dad or anyone- just me. Standing up I wiped my face on my sleeve, put my big girl pants (trousers) on and marched back to that tent. With wind in my sails, I asked once again, pleading my case and begging for approval, but to no avail. I got rejected, from Nottingham’s Halloween 10k. Life is full of “No’s” and rejection, whether it be from companies, teams, cliques, or relationships. But having the courage to say YES, now that is the real victory. Sometimes you need to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and just carry on. With my voice quivering, I barely managed to whisper through sniffles, “Can I at least get a T-shirt?”
I walked past the starting line feeling deflated. My ego was crushed and my confidence crumpled. There I stood, at the top the hill, watching the race begin. Tears in my eyes, t-shirt in hand, and heart intact- I carried on.