It is a week of celebration in my world. Saturday was my birthday, the
big four oh!! It feels like the end of a very long season and the start
of something new. 'How do I feel being 40?' seems to be the most asked
question. Actually, I feel pretty much the same as 39. No midlife
crisis, fortunately. No rut to pull myself out of. I jokingly said to
my dad that I'm still trying to find a rut, never mind get out of one.
After being back in South Africa for a little over 6 months, I am still
watching every tick of the clock counting down the days when my tenants
will move and I can finally move back into my flat. Its been a rather
nomadic journey over the last 5 years and certainly an adventure.
Today
is a birthday of a different kind. I met Jesus 20 years ago at a
Carmen concert in the Good Hope center in Cape Town. I have now
officially been saved more than half my life on Earth. Three days
longer, to be precise :-) He has loved me, healed me, filled me,
protected me and walked with me every step. Today is valentines day.
How sweet it is to be saved on such a day.
Even as my heart sings in
celebration, there is a twinge deep down. The unsaid words from the
single women around me fill the atmosphere. Some are not quite so
silent but rather hide their heart's longing in a cloak of criticism.
Its all commercialism! they declare, trying to lessen the weight of the
day. The young and the marrieds do not know the sting a day such as
today can have. It is lunch time. For yet another year is it being
made obvious that no man is interested enough to pursue my heart. I
suppose I share this to lessen the sting in my own heart. I'm not sure
its working :-)
In my hands I hold the promises spoken by my
Father in Heaven, promises too many to count, that I will see this
particular longing fulfilled, a promise as recent as three weeks ago. Will I believe Him? After decades of disappointment, will I still believe Him?
I feel Him asking me that question. He is not a man that He should
like or the son of man that he should change his mind. Will I believe
Him? Will He bring to completion what He has started? Do I trust Him? Do I believe Him when everything screams the opposite?
What
about your dreams? The ones you've held for so long they've become
entwined with who you are. The ones that seem impossible without
miraculous intervention. Will you believe him? Will you trust him?
