Having lived in the land of the flip-flop for umpteen years, I'd kind of forgotten that the Aussie term for everyone's favourite rubber shoe is rather more snigger-worthy. When I asked for more thongs for Christmas, my friend misunderstood. The Havianas are very nice, all the same.
Sorry, that was childish. I spent many weeks cracking thong jokes when we first arrived. I thought I'd grown up a bit since then,but it seems there was still one left. Right, it's definitely out of my system.
The great thing about Australia (well, apart from the beaches, the sun, the laid back lifestyle, the... OK let me start again).
One of the nice things about Australia is that the popular and humble thong is accepted footwear in all social circles. Don’t feel limited to wearing it at the beach. Follow the lead of the Aussies around you – flip-flop your way to and from the office to save your feet from the stiletto. Be thong-strong in the pub.
If you're feeling brave, take it to the next level. Ditch the thong and go naked. (Sorry! OK, it's definitely out of my system now.) Of course, what I meant to say is: go barefoot.
But take heed. Be careful if you do decide to bare your sole. I've heard it becomes addictive. You get used to flapping around with no shoes. You begin to never bother wearing them. You drive barefoot. You get complacent.
And then, one day, you want to go to the RSL with, say, your sister. You realise that you aren't wearing any shoes. You don’t have any in the car. 'Who needs shoes anyway!' you triumphantly think to yourself.
You attempt to sneak into the club and hope no-one notices your naked feet. You order beer, feeling smug because; You did it! You got away with it! Unfortunately, the bouncer has waited until after you have paid for the schooners to tell you that your naked feet had not gone unnoticed. He might be a nice bouncer, in that he lets you try to get down as much beer as you can manage in 60 seconds. And then he kicks you out.
Yes, this is a true story. I am sharing so that you can learn from our mistakes. My brother did manage to knock back his schooner in under 60 seconds – but as he was the barefoot one, I'm betting he's been getting lots of practice. I wasn't quite up to the challenge and only managed to get down about half of my schooner. And that, quite frankly, is just a waste of good beer.
And so my message to you is this:
"Always pack spare thongs. You just never know what might happen."
(Oh well,you knew there had to be a final one coming, didn't you?)
